Saturday, December 1, 2012

My Praise May Change


Praise and worship changes as I heal. Expressing gratefulness in prayer and song has developed into deep adoration for the God who has continually held me in His arms. Whether in the emotional state of joy or in sadness when thinking of where I came from...the tears may flow like a river down my cheek. If you see me as a flushed, wet faced woman, realize that this woman is still a child of Father God who wants me to run to Him for security. Could I even think to run anywhere else now? I am praying not.

     Will everyone understand me? No. Are there going to be people who feel like I should “get over it by now”? Yes. There isn't a person who can talk me out of what I am feeling. My praise may soften or my heart might happen to become hard if I fall. If I stumble, God will raise me up and hold my cheeks in the palm of His gentle hands and say to my, “Don't give up. Don't give in. I am here.” I will continue to allow myself to be pliable in the potters hands. Jehova -Rapha, “The Lord that healeth” will fade the memory and make the bitter sweet become sweet again in Him. I am grateful that He heals me in body, mind and soul. I will praise Him in all He was, is and will continue to be.

Psalm 103:1-5
Bless the LORD, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with
loving kindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth
with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Where do you stand today with the Lord? Is your life reflecting Jehova-Rapha in you?
Watch this video as the woman sings and feels.....  the healing God.

Friday, November 30, 2012



SIGNS of Child Sexual Abuse
Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of sexual behaviors that take place between a child and a person older than them. These behaviors are meant to arouse the older person in a sexual way. There is usually no thought given given to what effect the behavior may have on the child. Sadly, the abuser does not care about the reactions or choices of the child.
Child sexual abuse often involves body contact such as sexual kissing, touching, and oral, anal, or vaginal sex. However, not all sexual abuse involves body contact. Showing private parts ("flashing"), forcing children to watch pornography, verbal pressure for sex, and exploiting children as prostitutes or for pornography can be sexual abuse as well.
What are signs that a child has been sexually abused? Are there any clear signs? The following may be some things that could alert you to this abuse but are not limited to all. Even one of these listed could be enough to do further investigation.
* Separation anxiety. All children will have some form of separation anxiety, but pay closer attention to severe temper tantrums toward a particular person. This is especially true for a toddler who is not able to speak yet.

*Avoids or tries to avoid being with you significant other
* the child is not happy as they once were: cries often, depressed
* regressive behavior : bed-wetting or soiling clothes
*extremely emotional for no apparent reason
*drop in grades, trouble in school
* Eating habits may change: unexpected weight gain or lose suddenly.
*complains of headaches, stomachaches or other pain but can find no medical reason for it
*Nightmares or fears of being alone in the dark
*Suddenly afraid to remove clothes at bath time or feels the need to go to bed fully clothed
*loses interested in hobbies or sports
*does not want to be hugged or kissed

*becomes rebellious and angry
*child becomes clingy and /or doesn't want you out of their sight
*shows inappropriate sexual behavior ( Does the child show certain sexual characteristics, language or actions that he or she shouldn't know? )
*Sudden lack of communication with you
*Stay to themselves more and see less of their friends
*unexplained accumulation of gifts or money
*self destructive behavior such as self mutilation , drug dependency, suicidal
*bruising or bleeding in the genital area
*bruising to breast buttocks, lower abdomen or thighs
It's important to recognize that sexual abuse doesn't always involve body contact. Exposing a child to sexual situations or material is sexually abusive, whether or not touching is involved.
It is frightening to know that sexual abuse usually occurs by someone the child knows and should be able to trust—most often close relatives.
Statistics show that one in every four girls and one in every six boys have been or will be sexually abused.
The earlier child abuse is caught, the better the chance of recovery and appropriate treatment for the child. Child abuse is not always obvious. By learning some of the common warning signs of child abuse and neglect, you can catch the problem as early as possible and get both the child and the abuser the help that they need.The earlier child abuse is caught, the better the chance of recovery and appropriate treatment for the child.  Keep in mind that child abuse is not always obvious.
Heavenly Father,
I come to you with a heart felt cry that no parent or adult would have to research the previous information because of fear that their child may have been touched or exposed to any unacceptable behavior such as sexual child abuse. Praying for education, prevention and care for each child you created. I pray for parental and adult guidance with wisdom and discernment.
I am bringing to you the troubles I too have faced, knowing that You, Lord, will turn what Satan gave as evil back into good, I can give back in empathy in  overcoming the pains through Your unconditinal love. I am forever grateful for Your healing hand and compassion.
In Jesus Name, Amen
The trauma of abuse is never fully gone from a person's consciousness. Its filthy stain leaves its residue on the soul forever. However, like all bad experiences, it is possible to turn this experience into good by developing compassion and empathy for others who have been through this experience. Many people feel that bringing meaning to a traumatic experience is a path to healing. When I turn a negative experience into a tool that brings meaning into my life and others, I am taking the best kind of revenge on my abuser.



Wednesday, November 21, 2012

In Memory of "Mom" Happy Birthday

Words Unspoken

By Mary Edwards
written 3/1/2011
In Memory of Dolores Catherine Edwards


     My mother in law, Dolores, was ready for heaven. The gargling struggled breath was
not welcomed. The noise of her labored breathing was hurting my feelings not just my
ears. Her children and grandchildren were in and out of the hospice room so much that
there was no way to be at peace. People became frustrated with me but I knew it was
time for quiet. I requested that the family room be used so that Dolores could relax.
What I was really asking for was a lack of confusion. Her body and mind were both
suffering now. Her face spoke of hurt when her mouth could not. No amount of
medicine helped her Her last day was obviously here. There was no perfect
rhythm to her inhale and we held our breath until she took her next exhale.
My niece, Crystal and I were the only ones left in the room now. I picked up the old
baptist hymnal and began thumbing through the faded old pages. 

Sing with me Crystal” I said to her.
I don't know any of those songs Mary” she said as she turned to walk out of her
grandmother's hospice room. She turned back to me and began to sing, “As The Deer
Panteth for the Water”. How beautiful, her voice filled the room. We sang and cried
together. If I didn't know better, I would have thought angels joined in a choir and
sang with us. The room was warm, yet chills filled me. The Lord was
present and His Spirit accompanied us. The song was over and I began to sing,”Softly
and Tenderly”” Never before had I listened so closely to those hymnal words.
Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling. Calling Oh Sinner Come Home”.

Dolores stopped her gargled labored breathing. Her rhythm became smooth and
gentle. No look of pain was on her face. Crystal looked at
me and I returned the look with a reply of a nod of my head and said,
Yes, Go get the family.” I pushed the nurses station call button and the nurse quickly

came in the room. He looked at her and said,”Yes Mary, It's time. She looks comfortable.”
The silence was beautiful as we all now gathered around her bed. I let go of her hand
and put her hand into her daughter's hand. I continued to sing to her softly. It seemed to
be the “permission” that she waited for.
How special was the sound of heaven, taking my best friend home. I will always
treasure the sweet sound of silence when Heaven took her. Words unspoken can say so

2 Corinthians 5:8  We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord  ( American King James Version

Thursday, November 15, 2012

No Blame No Shame

Just needing to share.....

No Blame, No Shame

As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we often grow up blaming ourselves for the abuse that happened. As children, we are bought up to know that "adults know best" - and so when someone tells you often enough that it's your fault, eventually you believe it. I was to blame.

 I believed that the reason I was hurt so badly by people I cared about was simply because that’s what I deserved. I deserved it because of who I was as a person. I was bad. It wasn't so much what I did that made me "bad" - but more just something that I was....something that was in me in spite of how well I tried to behave or how good I tried to be. Nothing I did to be "better" made anything better or made people treat me better - and so, understandably, I concluded that I was treated badly simply because of who and what I was. If you have felt this, please know that it was an affect of the abuse you experienced, not a statement of truth.

As I grew into an adult, I kept believing that the abuse was my fault. I did something to deserve it. Accepting that we do not have control over everything in our lives and everything that happens to us is a necessary part of healing.

I tried to seek many ways in which I could blame myself..

It was my fault because if I'd been a better maybe “so and so" would have loved me more and not hurt me.

A parent(s) should love and care for you regardless of how you behave or what you do. Their love for you should be unconditional. No matter what you did wrong, or what you think you did wrong, you did not deserve to be abused.
Abuse from a parent does not happen because of some failure or inadequacy on the child's part. It happens because of some failing within the parent.

It's my fault because I didn't tell anyone.

All children who do not tell about their abuse have very good reasons for keeping silent. For example:
Your abuser may have threatened you.
You may have been scared that no one would believe you.
You didn't know how to tell or what words to use.
You were frightened that you may be punished.
You were very confused about what was happening.
You didn't know what was happening was abuse.
……and many many more reasons.

Looking back as an adult at the reasons you had for not telling, you may think these reasons as not good enough. Adult survivors of child sexual abuse may say to themselves, "I was so stupid to believe that threat". But try to understand that the way you see things now is going to be completely different to how you saw things as a frightened abused child. The fears you had about telling would have been very very real back then, and you shouldn't dismiss what a powerful silencer fear and uncertainty can be.

It’s my fault because I let the abuse go on for so long.

You didn't "let" the abuser keep abusing. You were overwhelmed and powerless to stop the abuser.

It's my fault because I liked it happening because it felt good.

Regardless of how it felt to you, what happened was still abuse.

When children are touched sexually, conditioned responses are automatic and natural to the body and they happen whether you want them to or not.

It's my fault because I wanted that special time.
It may have been that this was the only time that you felt wanted, needed or special. Abusers can be very good at making children feel like the abuse happens because they love you so much.
Regardless, the abuse was still 100% wrong. The abuser abused his knowledge of your emotional needs and wants, and used that to get what he wanted.

It's my fault because my abuser said it was my fault.

Most abusers are very fearful of what will happen they are made public. They may fear what their families and friends will say to them; they may fear prison,of losing their jobs. And so, they are going to try to make sure that the child doesn't say anything to anyone. ONE way of doing this is to tell the child that it's their fault that the abuse is happening. Telling the child it is their fault, is a way for the abuser to control the situation by making the child afraid that they will be blamed and get into trouble if they report it to anybody.

It's my fault because I didn't fight hard enough.

Children do not have the physical strength or theability to think  adults. Often there will be threats hanging over the child's head if they don't do as they are told - and so they may feel totally unable to fight on any level.

Children do what they can to survive an attack and submission is not desire, it is survival.

It's my fault because I didn't say NO!

Many child survivors feel that they are partly to blame for the abuse because they didn't say "NO!” There are many reasons why you might not have said no:

You were confused.
You didn't know you were allowed to say no.
You didn't want to say no.
You were too frightened to say no.

Children cannot consent to a sexual relationship because they are below the age of consent. It is not the responsibility of a child to say "no" to sex.

It's my fault because I thought I wanted it or said I wanted it.

All children, especially as they reach their teenage years, start thinking about their sexuality and become interested in exploring sex. This is perfectly normal, and even necessary for healthy sexual and social development. Children and teens who are reaching this age may become attracted to people who are older than them, and may even desire or seek to engage in intimate relationship with them.

A responsible adult understands that children who are under the age of legal consent are not mentally, psychologically or physically ready for  sexua linteraction, and therefore they should not engage with a teen in this way. Therefore, even if you initiated, wanted or "consented" to sexual contact with an older person it was still abuse and it was not your fault.

  It must be my fault because I was abused by different people.

  Some children are abused by more than one person in different times of abuse. If you have been the victim of multiple abuses you may feel that you must be to blame because you keep getting chosen to be abused – and in fact some survivors talk about feeling they have a label on their head saying "hurt me".

Child abusers may target children who are more vulnerable. Child survivors may find it difficult to tell the difference between good touch and bad touches.

It's my fault that I didn't protect my siblings.
Some children feel guilty that they weren't able to protect their brothers / sisters from the abuse – and believe they are partly to blame for this abuse. You cannot be held responsible for anything your abuser did to you or to anyone else. Your abuser is the only one that can take responsibility for what they've done.

It is important to learn that the abuser had control and is to blame...not you. You were a child and should have been treated and respected as one.
I am praying for education before this healing needs to occur.
 Please Lord, let the abused child in each of us, keep the knowledge that we are innocent. Thank You Heavenly Father, for never letting us be alone. I praise you for the healing and for seeing us through your eyes.
Mark 5:34He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." (NIV)

Are you a victim of child abuse? Is your past haunting you with blame? Give it to God.Ask Him to let you see what He sees in you. I am praying that you too can begin to see the real you.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Hidden Angels

     Every now and then someone says something that makes me think of a poem or something I  have
written. Today my friend posted in facebook about meeting angels wearing the disguise of ordinary people. Right away it brought back one of my first poems I wrote. It is nice to walk down memory lane.....
Hidden Angels

I got down on my tired knees
and cried out, "I need and angel please!"
I've lost mine in this crazy world.
It's mixed up in my life that's swirled.
It seems as though I left it behind,
tucked away hidden in this world of mine.
I got in my car and began to drive.
Often wondering why I was even alive.
I couldn't see the value of the day
and wished and hoped it would all go away.
There stood a woman aside of the road.
Exhausted, confused and seeming quite old.
Her car was still, Her tire was flat.
I didn't want to see any of that.
I was in my own thoughts but stopped anyway.
What was there to lose, helping her today?
Just one more obsticle for someone to bare.
She needed someone to show that they care.
I spared my last smile I had within.
Tears filled her eyes. She thanked me and grinned.
As we stood there I wondered ...if she needed more...
the angel that I had been searching for.
And as I walked grudgingly away,
I thought I heard her whisper to say
"Thank you Lord, for sending that angel my way."
Stopped in my tracks of where I was going
I knew in my heart that God was showing:
Angels do come in many unknown sizes,
Dressed up and hidden behind our own disguises !
Written by Mary Edwards


Tuesday, October 16, 2012


     I hestitated going into writing class last night. My reason was that I once again was going empty handed.  I can not seem to connect my pen to my empty paper. So much clutters this head of mine and for some very good reasons, or excuses, I can not put my thoughts into words. I began thinking about that. Sin separates us from God. I can pray and pray but unless I have a clear path through confession and forgiveness, the circuit becomes unable to be completed and somehow "my call gets lost".
     I feel the same way about writing. If I can't get a good connection, because of a mind full of burdens, my signal is lost and I hear nothing but static. Then the brain goes blank and results in an empty page. If I have too much interference, I can not hear what God wants me to put down on my paper. Sharing hurts and troubles, problem and trials with other praying Christians allowed me to release enough pressure that I felt so that I could begin work for Him  again. I was reminded of God's love through encouragement and heard once again that God had been with me all the time through difficulties. He never left me during those trying painful times, but held onto me. He held my hand while He rocked me in His arms. The Lord cries each tear that I cry. He longs to comfort all of us.
      Last night, because of a prayer request, I was released from pain. A hurting heart was held carefully in prayer and hugs refreshened my spirit. I knew I was free to write again. My signal became stronger. I connected, first with other Christian writers through much respectful prayer, to our Heavenly Father and then with my pen and paper. The broken signal was found. I look forward to writing again.

Do you find your mind too cluttered? Has life's many challenges kept you from doing something for Him? Release to God whatever it is that keeps you from doing what He has called you to do. He waits for you to come to Him. He wants you to pick up His "pen" again. Place it in His hands.
Hebrews 4:15-16
For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


Wow, there are so many things that stick things together, aren't there? How many can you name? I am sure you have used tape to wrap a present. How many of you have papers that have been stapled together? What about using glue to make a nice art picture at school? To hang posters on the wall, people may use tacky puddy.

We just finished decorating our church for vacation Bible school. Everything looked really cool as looked around one last time before turning off the lights and locking up for the night. The next day was the start of VBS. When we got back to the church to do some last minute preparation, we walked into the sanctuary and ..OH NO …. the banners that were hung on the wall fell down. The tape we used didn't hold up. We had to try something better.

I remembered that I had a roll of my husbands duct tape in the car. Do you know what duct tape is? It is very heavy duty tape and it is very sticky. Some people think duct tape can fix just about anything.

We hung the banners up with strips of duct tape. There, that ought to do it.. And it did just that. It held up everything wonderfully. It was just what we needed.

One thing about duck tape is that if the sticky sides get stuck together, you can not take it back apart. It is mega super duper heavy duty powerfully strong. It reminded me of another kind of strength that is never able to be separated.

The love of God is the strongest bond ever. His love is stronger than that sticky duct tape. I wouldn't try to separate His love from you. It is absolutely impossible to do. No matter how much we sin and do things that God doesn't want us to do, He will always love us.

In God's precious word, the Bible, it tell us in Romans 8 :38-39

“ For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height , nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

There is joy in knowing that God will always love us. When you feel like you are falling apart from God, remember that He holds you with His mega super duper heavy duty powerful strong Love that never lets go.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

He Was There All the Time


Do you look for acceptance through other people? Whether is be in relationships of significant others, marriage, friendships, bosses or church family? I seem to do this. I seek approval of people.

Am I doing this right? Do you love me? Am I good enough? What can I do to make me likeable? What is it that will make me important through your eyes? How many times do I need to get your attention in order for my self esteem to be built up high enough?

The list could go on and on.

I woke up this morning turning on my computer I saw the words of a song that caught my interest. It is also words that my dear close Christian friends spoke to me this week. He was there all the time. I quickly looked up the song. What powerful words came   through the speakers.

After listening to it, I played it again and again soaking and basking in the message. God touched my heart once more with the reassurance I needed. I pray you will take a minute to listen to the song that made a difference this morning for me. I hope it blesses you.

Remember God will love you unconditionally. There is nothing you have to do to be loved more by Him than what He does right now. Turn to Him. He will be there all the time.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
 1 John 4:16

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Tea Party


The Tea

1967, and all of three years old, I got to attend the greatest tea party ever.
Mommy's guests were there in their finest dresses , smoking their long thin cigarettes, around the tables playing bridge. It was our day to have the ladies at our house. I was dolled up in my white dress with the bow tied perfectly in the back, black patten leather shoes and lacy white socks. I was a show piece look of innocence. I was there to be seen and not heard.

     Since I was the only child there, I was bored quickly. I was up and down the laps of
all ladies. Crawling under the table, under skirts and right on each of their nerves. My Aunt Nancy was the one who directed me in another direction.

Mary Lou”, she said. Why don”t you play with your tea set”.
I listened right away and went for the pretty little pink flowered porcelain tea set. Filled the pot and
the four tea cups and presented my gift to the ladies. Mom grinned an aggravated nervous grin and sent me on my way. This continued for a long time. I was restless again which brought me back to being the little climber of many frustrated ladies. Aunt Nancy once again tried to direct me to the tea set.

Mary Lou, please get me some more tea, I am thirsty.” Aunt Nancy said.
I cant”, I said
Mary Lou please, pretty please.”, She pleaded.
I cant.” I said again.
Why cant you Mary Lou ? ”, asked Aunt Nancy.
It's all gone.” I replied.
What do you mean it's all gone?” she asked.

Potty's empty."

Proverbs 17:22  A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.....

Monday, April 16, 2012

Perfectly Surprised

I like to tell family stories. This one is precious.
Ten Years Ago...

Perfectly Surprised

     I held onto the letter in my sweaty shaking hands, refolded it and stuck it back in its envelope. I must have read that letter at least a hundred times over the weekend. I shoved the envelope deep in my purse and slung it over my shoulder.
     When we got to the Mexican restaurant, I hung my purse over the back of the chair as if it were in “time out”. The noise around me of people having a good time grew louder in my ears. My girls and a friend joined us around the big table. My husband was busy talking with my oldest daughter, Michelle, who was very excited about her senior trip to Germany as a foreign exchange student. Melissa, my sophomore, and her friend, Kiela, were excited talking about the softball game they just won. My youngest daughter, Denise, 12, was doing her best to engage me in a conversation about the motor cross she wanted to ride her dirt bike in.
          Only, I couldn't think of anything but what was in that envelope.
Plates were almost empty. Chips and cheese were disappearing fast. I knew this
would be a good time to remove that envelope.  
     “O.k. guys, It's my birthday but I have something for you.”
I reached back in my purse and removed the tri-fold paper from its safe hiding
place. Before passing it around I instructed everyone that each person would get
a chance to read this. And to not make any comments or talk about it until the last one reads it. Melissa read it and her eyes bulged. She said nothing but watched Keila”s face as she read.   
     “Oooooooh!” She squeeled and quickly placed her hand over her mouth as the letter got passed to Michelle. I had no idea that she would have the look of

disappointment. She tossed the note to my husband, Donnie, who gave it directly
to Denise. She grinned and held onto her daddy's hand.
     Just as the manager came around the corner with a candle in the middle of my
birthday cake, I was the one who yelled out,
      “Surprise !”

As the whole table got quiet I passed the note to the confused man, He read out
      “Mary Edwards is approximately 5 weeks 4 days pregnant."

And so set the beginning of a life change for all of us. The surprise gift from God.

It has been nine and a half years since I gave birth to my very sweet son. He remains a gift in our lives. A surprise of love, planned perfectly for my family. 

Ecclesiastes 11:5  Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in it's mother's womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God who does all things."

Thank You Lord for all you have given us. Your timing is  absolutely perfect.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

I need a NAN

Two conferences, two lessons all with the same me anyway. Of all the many lessons and instructions I could have taken with me, I came back with one of the same: I need a NAN.

I didn't realize the void that Jesus needed to fill this time was needed in a momma's touch. Intimacy looks different this time. I have prayed for a Papa God hug, picturing me crawling up in the lap of a great big God and getting a bear hug.This time, I felt the desire for gentleness.

Nan allowed Jamie to kiss her on the cheek and hug her when she wanted. Nan held her hand. It wasn't just to guide her where she need to go for Jamie was blind. Nan gave her affirmation of trust, respect and the bonding of a momma. Jamie saw Nan's heart. They are both blessed to have such a caring woman in thier lives.

 Jamie glows in her words about Nan. She expressed so much respect as she wrote , “Our relationship is priceless. I couldn't ask for a better friend...a better mentor...prayer partner...cheerleader and "Mom”. I know that no matter what, I can pick up the phone and call her. If I need to talk and she's home, she'll drop what's she doing to sit down and listen to me.”

Brenda and Brantly shared more than friendship. Choosing “family” is so precious. These two ladies share adopted hearts. I thought they were mother and daughter with our very first meeting, only to learn that Brenda took Brantly not just under her wing but into her heart.
 How sweet to hear Brantly call her “mom”. And how beautiful it was to feel Brenda accept the title. They hugged. Brenda watched for and cared for Brantly like she would her own. They shared “grandchildren “pictures off Brantly's phone. They shared life.

I don't have a mother or mother in law on earth anymore. I hope to see them one day and and give each one a soul to soul hug. Until then I crave the caress, touch, intimacy and care of someone that God can provide in my life.... to adopt me.

Being honest with my heart, I am not only praying for the empty women still here on earth, but I am also praying for myself, that God will place a special sister (“momma”) in all of our lives. Someone who can brush the hair out eyes, hug and be hugged., stay close to, pray with, cry on, laugh with, and be willing to adopted at heart”. I pray for the Nan's and Brenda's.

Heavenly circumstances may have taken my “moms” home... but I trust in Him to provide here again. I am grateful He gives His Holy Spirit to be here for me. I know that is greater than any other request I could make of Him. I don't even have to ask. He gives that Agape love freely.

Nan had given Jamie advice that I will carry with me daily. “When you can't Praise God for your circumstances, praise Him for who He is.”

Lamentations 3:24: The Lord is my portion, says the soul, Therefore I hope in Him.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


I have never felt the emotion of a soldier coming back into my arms. Shivers of watching a healed man walk in a miraculous healing has never been witnessed by me. I have not run through grass to my sweetheart while he ran to me. A key of my very own brand new car has never been handed to me. A million dollars never crossed my hands. What is it like to get the promotion you have been waiting for? My book hasn't been published nor has anyone heard my song on the radio. You probably won't see the number on my back as you run to catch up to me in a marathon. Doubt you will ever call me Dr..of anything. There won't be a plaque saying I discovered a hidden cure. No trophies line my shelf. And hearing my name called as I cross the stage in a college graduation is a far away dream.

Jeremiah 29 11: "For I know I the plans I have for you, declares the Lords, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to giv eyou a hope and a future."

But what I have is in life is more rewarding more to me than all of these
things.Through out my life of ups and downs, and struggles and heart aches, wishes, wants and dreams, I gained something that only love could give. It is a hope for my future. A plan made by God to live for Him. I will fight for the right to run to Him as He waits for me with open arms. I have
learned that the key to heaven is to accept and trust the daily polished and
shining love of Jesus. I might not ever get those millions but I will prosper in His riches. My promotion is in working for Him, with Him and by His
power I will climb the ladder of spiritual success..My name is written in the
book of life. I will sing praises to the Lord and when I graduate, the only
trophy I want is the one that is engraved, “Well done my good and faithful
servant.” In this  I will have won.

2 Corinthians 4 :17-18 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Let It Go

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty
where with Christ hath made us free,
and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage."
Galatians 5:1 (KJV)

Let me compare asking forgiveness to flying a kite. I see myself letting go of the kite (sin). At times it takes a while and I let it go a bit at time, letting the string off the reel just an inch here and an inch there. I often feel huge convictions and so I just let it unreel faster and faster and run and rush to give more of it to God. It is flying high, getting closer to God the higher it gets. But, because I still have the string, I am still attached and in control of the kite (sin). I haven't yet given it freely and fully to God. I keep hold of it to use one day when it is convenient for me to take back and use for my pleasure. When I decide that this is too much for me to be trusted with, because I am surely willing to abuse it, I know I can let go of that control. I let go of the kite (sin) and its string... and let it be totally Gods. Picturing my hands releasing what wasn't mine to begin with, a freedom occurs and I am at peace.
I don't want to run after it, chasing and hoping for another chance to take control again. I need to quit running after what I have given to the Lord. I desire to give it to God and be set free.

Lord, help me to let You take total control of my life. Help me to release everything to You. Do not let me get tangled in the kite string of bondage. Thank You for giving us the ability of being set free in Christ.

Let Go and Let God
By Helen Steiner Rice

When you are troubled and worried  and sick at heart,
When your plans are upset and your world falls apart,
Remember God's ready and waiting to share,
The burden you find much to heavy to bear.
So with faith, let go and let God lead the way
Into a less troubled and brighter day.