Thursday, November 20, 2014

Guest Blogger: Kiesa Kay

Thanksgiving arrives next week, and for the first time since she was 16 years old, my daughter won't be making the big family dinner. I have been blessed with wonderful children who grew up to be kind and generous adults, and they take care of a thousand things both big and small. My son and my daughter will be flying to another state for a memorial service for their cousin, Spencer.  

It has been a rough year for my family. My stepfather, a true dad to me and a real grandpa to my children, died this summer after a long illness. My cousin Larry Dean fell from a tree and died unexpectedly in June. After helping my father through his last illness, my beautiful baby sister had a miscarriage. And now Spencer has gone from the earth.
The older I get, the more people seem to disappear. How little time we have, and how precious each moment feels. If only the healing could hasten, faster, faster.
My mother called today. She misses my Aunt Linda, who died mysteriously almost thirty years ago. My mother and I were estranged for a while, for a thousand reasons. Today she started out by talking about her manicure, her sparkly bright turquoise fingernails. My mother's bling includes remaking her wedding ring. She's going to join my stepdad's ring to hers, fuse them, and create a whole new ring to mark her new life alone. We had a quiet conversation about Aunt Linda, whom we both loved, and about the stunning sequence of sorrows that marked 2014. I realized as I hung up the phone that I have forgiven my mother for every mistake she ever made, and she, bless her heart, has forgiven me.
She did her best, you see. Whatever mistakes happened, she did her best. And life is too short for long grudges. 

Submission by : Kiesa Kay 11-19-14

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Take Zero: The Unwanted Video

I hate it.  I HATE it !  I HATE IT !!!. I hate knowing eyes saw my abuse through child pornography. One more nasty little HUGE secret I kept from my husband for over thirty years. Shame has its way of digging deep into your bones and then leaks out every now and then from your eyes.
I cried in my office remembering the day that I received mail from the boy I was "going with" during the time of the major part of my abuse. That package came just a couple of years ago. It was a movie. Oh no... THE movie? No cover. No title. Not addressed to me but to my husband. Oh Crap. ( But I am sure I said another word. ) Why would he send it to him ? How did he have THAT movie for over 35 years. How did HE manage to get hold of it? Hell was choking me as the lumps gathered in my throat. My hands shook for weeks. I did not want to look at such filth. How nasty. How degraded I was feeling. How terribly horrible that I was displayed for some sick person's sexual pleasure. 
 I was going to let a friend of mine look at it ."I just want to know if it's what I think it is." 
But I could not bring myself to letting another human being see me in a child pornography video. I had heard I was in it. The boys who told me that they saw me in it even explained some details. Details that I remembered. It had to be true. I don't remember seeing the video camera. But I believed their words. I remember "doing " what they described. Why wouldn't I believe it? After all, my abuser coerced my very vulnerable very young appetite with the same type of videos. Clips still play like a broken reel to reel flipping over and over and over again in my mind.
Oh how I wish I could erase my memory of that garbage. This isn't something I  feel like I can take care of by myself.  Right now, I feel the need for therapy. I am not ashamed of saying such. I just told my husband about this horrific situation that I lived through. It has surfaced and it has been gnawing at me. Tension aches down my neck and back. My arms hurt. It's a real problem. And it's one that I have to pray through. God's got my back...and my heart. I have to give Him my mind as well. Satan would love to do a victory dance because He feels like I will snap under the pressures he put me under. (HA ! I have walked through many fires, I will trod and dance through this one too.) Although this may seem like small things to some people, those who have experienced know very well the damage it can cause.  But I know a great big God who can smooth the rough waters in this, just as He has done with the other abuses. I, once again, put my trust in Him for healing.

  If you are a victim of any abuse, including child pornography, you too can find comfort by going to the Heavenly Father and ask Him to ease the pain and heal the wounds. Nothing you say will surprise Him. He longs to hold you in His arms and bring you back to the place before the pain. When you don't feel like you can walk the walk with Him, He will carry you through it.

Papa God, I need You tonight. I need to feel whole and pure and not ugly, nasty or belittled. God You know these things happened so very long ago. You also are aware of the  short and long term effects it can bring. Father God, please heal the wounds. I praise you that you comfort me when I call on You. I thank you for giving me a loving supportive family and caring husband. I plead to You Lord, that you help other victims to heal and find peace and supply them with the Love that they too are searching for. I know with out a doubt, God, that You have love for me even when I don't feel like anyone should love me. You love me when I can't love myself. Help me to find that peace again. I need You.
In Jesus Name. Amen


    If your child is a victim of sexual, he or she may deal with effects of this abuse long after the abuse has stopped. In order to help your child, it is important for you to understand what he or she may go through as a result of the sexual abuse. Every victim is different, however, many victims do tend to display the same psychological effects after the abuse. Depending on the severity of the incident(s), you child will suffer from different types psychological  and behavior problems.
Each situation is different, but your child may have a range of residual effects from the sexual abuse that he or she experienced as a child. These effects can include, but are not limited to:
  • Anxiety
  • Fear
  • Guilt
  • Panic attacks
  • Anger
  • Depression
  • Withdrawal from others/activities
  • Acting out
  • Sexual dysfunction
  • Fear of the opposite sex
  • Trust issues
  • Eating disorders
There can be short term or long term effects of the sexually abusive encounter(s) that your child has. Some short term effects, which usually disappear after two or three years, include:
  • Sleeping problems
  • Eating disorders
  • Regressive behavior, such as bed-wetting, wanting to sleep in his or her parent’s bed, thumb sucking, etc.
  • Withdrawal from activities or people
  • Behavioral issues
Long term effects of sexual abuse can be more devastating, as they can last well into adulthood. Some victims may never fully recover from their traumatic experiences. Some examples of long term effects of sexual abuse are:
  • High levels of anxiety
  • Self-esteem issues
  • Participation in risky behavior, such as drug use, unprotected sex, etc.
  • Alcoholism/drug abuse
  • Insomnia
  • Lack of trust
  • Depression
  • Guilt
  • Shame
Not every victim of child sexual abuse will undergo these side effects. If you are concerned about your child’s well being after learning of a sexually abusive encounter, there are some things that you can do to reduce his or her experience of these side effects. You can make sure that your child knows that you support him or her, and that you do not blame him or her for the encounter(s). At this time of need, the child needs to be comforted and made to feel safe. Doing this can greatly improve his or her psychological state. Another way to help your child is by sending him or her to a therapist that specializes in sexual abuse cases. Seeking professional help can give your child the resources that you might not be aware of. 
It is not only important but it is also the law to report child sexual abuse. Please  call 911 or contact the proper authorities in your area to stop the abuse from happening to another child.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The Fire. From a Woman Who Lost It All....Or Did She?

Isaiah 41:10 NIV

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I asked my niece, Belinda Spitler, if I could share her thoughts that she posted on facebook. Please welcome the tender hearted words of Belinda, who lost everything she and her two boys owned in a house fire on September 17th of this year. God bless her, a single mother, who puts her life back together one day at a time.

     So, everyone keeps asking how I’m doing. I would say that I’m about 96% ok. The other four percent, I’m just lying until I believe it myself. I’m almost in denial. It’s a surreal kinda thing, like it didn’t really happen, except, the reality is that it did. I can feel my inner firecracker trying to come back.  I still love to laugh and be silly, there’s no changing that. I was making stupid jokes while it was happening. As long as I can keep laughing, everything will be fine. I know this.
The things that set me off are less and less each day, but I still don’t know what’s going to trigger my leaky face syndrome. I threw a tantrum one day last week and just started throwing away all the cases to the movies that were saved. I hate the burnt everything and couldn’t stand to look at it anymore. I hate the smell of burnt anything. Burnt toast in the kitchen or a smoke filled room from the grill being cleaned at work had me in tears one day (or maybe more than one. I hate the ashes on my hands and the smell that is still in some of my things. Fire in movies makes me tweak out just a little.
     I’ve gone through a whole range of grieving. Everything from, sad, complete meltdown, ok, anger, denial, and even guilt. Yes, guilt. I was awake at 2:52 a.m. when a fan that we thought was a great find at the thrift store started making horrible squealing noises. Why didn’t I go check on my kids? If I had gotten up to check on them, that was a 25 minute difference from when I was awake to when I was on
the phone with 911. Logically, I know that this isn’t my fault. Mommy guilt likes to show its ugly
head at the most inopportune times. What would that extra 25 minutes have done? Every time I wake up now, you can be damn sure that I’m out of bed checking on those boys.
Belinda's Camera

    I despise shopping. Something that I could just take or leave depending on my mood, I actually despise it now. I try to go to the store, sometimes out of habit or boredom, and I just stare blankly at everything. Yup, I want things, and maybe even need things. It’s not just a filler here or there, it’s everything. Looking at furniture, I think, what’s the point? I’d rather sit on the floor. Looking for shoes, well that’s great, I have nothing to go with them. Grocery shopping, yeah I have no idea. A few meals here and there, but I need everything. The art store, um yeah. It kills. I don’t just need a canvas or tube of paint, or just something new and different. I need all of it and have no idea where to even begin. I feel like I’m ready to start painting again, just a little, just to give my hands something to do. Am I ready to hang anything on the wall? Nope. I’m more prepared to look at blank walls than I am to hang things up again. I just can’t bring myself to do it. 
      I thought, at the time, that it was better for me to see it happening than to come home and had it already happen. Wrong. So very wrong. I could do without still hearing my children screaming. This is what gets me every time.  I could do without the memory of not being able to get out the front door, and laying in the middle of the road completely helpless, and crying so much that I wanted to throw up, as I watched my house burn. The sound of the smoke detector going off AFTER we got out to the road.
Why don’t we have smoke detectors outside? What seemed like an eternity for the fire trucks to get to my house.  It would have been better for me to just come home to it instead. 
Yes, I know that it could have been worse. I'm so very thankful that no one got hurt. I'm also thankful for the outpouring of love that we've received, the thoughts, prayers, and donations from family, friends, and strangers.  My head is a little screwed up right now, but I'm still so very lucky to have so many fantastic people in my (our) life. These things will lessen over quite a bit of time, and I'm just impatient and ready for it to be done and gone. I've started
over before, more than once, so I know I'm capable. I just want it to go away faster! 

 I asked Belinda, "How has God touched you in this?" My heart smiled as she answered,
     " I know every time something like this happens, I'm being redirected to something better. It takes a little bit, but if you don't let it keep you down, you see what the purpose was a lot faster. I'll be better off than I was before. In addition to the great guy God sent me.
Curtis,Belinda, Lucas and Justin

Belinda is adored and respected by many of her friends. Katie Cox has put together a fund raiser to help assist Belinda and her boys, Justin and Lucas as they work on starting over. You can find this  site at :

Brilliant photographer house fire

"Belinda is one of my dearest friends, a woman that would give the shirt off of her back for anyone. She is a brilliant fine art photographer and artist. Most importantly she is a single mom that is raising two of the sweetest boys you could ever meet. 

This morning she lost her house in a fire. Truly devastating, but anyone that knows B knows that for her home is where her boys, her camera, and her art supplies are. She and her boys are fine, but all three of her cameras, her computer, and all of her art supplies were destroyed in the fire (along with everything else). 
Belinda is a waitress at Dennys. She's a college student, she's a mom. These things were an investment for her, they weren't toys. Replacing everything will take time, she will put her boys first. Please help me raise money to replace her equipment and relieve some of the burden from this woman." ( Katie Cox)

Friday, August 1, 2014

Child On Child Sexual Abuse. Who, What and Where....


What do you do when you are faced with child on child sexual abuse ? The article below was copied from Wikipedia. Praying over the parents and children who may need to know.

 If  you have reason to believe you child may be involved in any abuse situations please contact the proper authorities.

For investigation resources contact your local law enforcement offices or your local abuse prevention organizations. 

Polk County Offices:
Police departments:
Columbus 828-894-5464
Tryon  828- 859-9195
Saluda 828-749-9292 

Polk County Sheriff's dept. 828-894-3001, 

Steps To Hope 828-894-2340 
Polk County Department of Social Services, 828-894-2100

The following information is from Wikipedia about Child sexual abuse performed by another child.

Child-on-child sexual abuse

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Child-on-child sexual abuse is a form of child sexual abuse in which a prepubescent child is sexually abused by one or more other children or adolescent youths, and in which no adult is directly involved. The term has been defined as sexual activity between children that occurs "without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion". This includes when one of the children uses physical force, threats, trickery or emotional manipulation to elicit cooperation. Child-on-child sexual abuse is further differentiated from normative sexual play or anatomical curiosity and exploration (i.e. "playing doctor") because child-on-child sexual abuse is an overt and deliberate action directed at sexual stimulation, including orgasm. In many instances, the initiator exploits the other child's naïveté, and the victim is unaware of the nature of what is happening to them. When sexual abuse is perpetrated by one sibling upon another, it is known as "intersibling abuse.

Etiology and causes

In the etiology of child-on-child sexual abuse, young children who have not matured sexually are incapable of knowing about specific sex acts without an external source. Consequently, children who initiate or solicit overtly sexual acts with other children most often have been sexually victimized by an adult beforehand, or by another child who was in turn abused by an adult. More than half have been victimized by two or more perpetrators. In some instances, the perpetrating child was exposed to pornography or repeatedly witnessed sexual activity of adults at a very young age, and this can also be considered a form of child sexual abuse.


The incidence of child-on-child sexual abuse is not known with any certainty, similar to abuse by adults. It frequently goes unreported because it is not widely known of in the public,and often occurs outside of adults' supervision. Even if known by adults, it is sometimes dismissed as harmless by those who do not understand the implications. In particular, intersibling abuse is under-reported relative to the reporting rates for parent-child sexual abuse, and disclosure of the incest by the victim during childhood is rare.


Children who were sexually victimized by other minors including inter-sibling abuse, show largely the same problems as children victimized by adults, including anxiety disorders, depression, substance abuse, suicide, eating disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, sleep disorders and difficulty trusting peers in the context of relationships. The victim often has distorted beliefs about what happened to them, sometimes even thinking they were the initiator or that they went through the act voluntarily.
Major factors that affect the severity of symptoms include the use of force or coercion, the frequency of the abuse, and the invasiveness of the act. An increased risk of victimization later in life has also been reported.
Dear Lord, As I read over this I recall the times where I was a victim of this exact abuse. I hate the memory of it.  It brings to surface  knowledge of unhealthy bonding. I become angry thinking of the children who get caught up in Satan's trap. Lord, please heal the innocent. I pray for a hedge of protection as we learn to watch for abuse activities. And Heavenly Father, I pray that the effects from such abuse  to be removed from the victim so that they can live a healthy life in the present and the future. I ask for curses to be broken so that this does not continue from generation to generation. Only through You, Lord, is healing possible. I praise you for it. Thank You, God, for carrying us though the trials each step at a time. I stand in awe of such an AWEsome Father.
Its through the name of Jesus I pray, Amen

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

I Quit Out Loud, I Restart Strong !!!

Isaiah 11:6 NIV
The wolf will live with the lamb,
the leopard will lie down with the goat,
the calf and the lion and the yearling together;
and a little child will lead them.

I sang with my granddaughter as she colored at the dining room table. Crayons scattered and papers decorated even my floor. As she searched for the yellow crayon I began to sing a song that I learned from my 3rd grade teacher. Mrs Price taught us to “Sing, Sing a Song.” I “la la la'd “and grinned as Natalie looked at me with her cute four year old eyes wondering what in the world was I singing. I pulled up the 1970's Carpenters song so she could see it on You Tube. Of course I found one with the song being sung by the Muppets on Sesame Street which made it even more fun for her to see.

“Sing, sing a song. Sing out loud. Sing out strong. Don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear, just sing sing a song.” It was so much fun to dance back and forth and copy the sounds of the puppet monsters and characters.

Being a grandmother is so sweet. I absolutely love that title. It fits well with my heart. Somehow, today, being a grandmother really paid off. This granny learned something new by having that singing moment with my curly haired Shirley Temple look alike grand youngin'. God has a way of showing us big lessons in the smallest things.

I blog. But lately I have not been writing for my readers. I  DO know why. I have been a reluctant writer because of a very disheartening “run in” with one of my readers.  It's disturbed me greatly. So I quit. Stopping writing isn't the only thing that took place. As an advocate against abuse, I also quit working toward my goal of reaching out to those who need to be educated or encouraged to heal. Another “run in” with another organization brought hesitation to my works. Both of these situations left me feeling incapable and inadequate of doing what I thought God was leading me to do. Both set me back to thinking I did not have the right knowledge to continue with the ministry I had been working toward.

Ok, so what in the world does that have to do with Sesame Street songs? Let's look at those words again, “Don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear.” But as I sang I heard this...“ Don't worry if they don't think what you are doing is good enough, I ( God) called you to this, Sing out Loud, Sing out Strong !”

I apologize to those who have needed to be encouraged. Please pray as I listen to God to follow His direction and not my own. It is time, again. to sing of good things (not bad ?). Sometimes I am called to sing of Happy ( and sometimes sad ). And if I am writing of either of those, I will praise God for the test, trials, over coming and growth, one step at a time, one day at a time and One Leader at all times. Welcome back to my blog and back to my journey. Thank you for being patient with me during my hestitation and re- evaluting break. Now that I am back please hold onto my hand with prayer. Together we will walk as a little child...leading. While we are at it, we might as well sing !


Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Sentence Reduced. He Took Back the Power

"Statutory Rape"  was written on the records from Tidewater Rape Information Services (T.R.I.S.) and it corrupted the abused children's reputation. " A juvenile matter" was written on the court summons. It lowered the severity of the case. The accusation was now reduced and the focus placed guilt on the victims and minimized the sentence of the man who molested. Justice wasn't served and instead of jail time or imprisonment, my abuser "walked" and I was the one sent away feeling misunderstood and trashy... taken out like discarded waste. Power was given back over to the abuser. My little brother and I were just another trophy owned by a sick a man who mutilated little bodies and the self esteem of an extreme amount of many ( many many many!) defenseless children.

That was 35 years ago and I still get disgusted at the thought. Tears don't  always roll down my cheek, but I can feel the heat of anger color my face like embers of a stirred smoldering fire. I often pick up the phone to call my childhood social worker for affirmation that I was strong in those days. I talk to gain the power back from the man who still seems to steal it from me.  Even after words from her, I still can feel empty, which leads me to where I should have gone in the first place... to pray.

While I dwell on the abuser and his power that he removed from my life, I also know that I was never as weak as I thought I was. I did stand up for the children who should have never been hurt. And I do it now,  even stronger than ever. This once weak child has been given strength through God Himself and the Holy Spirit because of Jesus Christ. And I stand with determination in the face of the accuser, Satan, and strip him of forces through Jesus Christ.

Philippians 4:13 NIV: I can do all things through Him which gives me strength.

It's not My power. It is my Father's.

And I wouldn't be messing with my Father, God. His word clearly states that there will be punishment for wrong doings to His children. Matthew 18:6 "If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

God is our greatest vindicator, and He wants to make all our wrongs right!   He will take care of every injustice. All we need to do is keep our focus on Him and let Him go to work. He’ll not just settle our case; He’ll do more than we can ask or imagine!

God took back the power and handed it to us through the blood of His own Son, so that we have the strength to face all trials. Whether or not  we see  abusers "hang" or not  does not mean they will get leave the witness stand free. The blood and final verdict is in God's hands. Let God take the gavel. Take back the power by giving it to Him.

 Oh Dear God,
   I often have to be reminded that You, Father, have power to deal with this warfare so I don't have to. Help me to keep Your promises fresh in my mind so that I can keep healing through You. Lord, I pray for favor for those who put their trust in You and I praise you for the Power of Your love. Thank You for Your Son, Jesus, who took the stand for me so the judgement sentence has not only been reduced but removed. Guilt removed because You took back the power.
I pray these things through the precious name of Jesus,
I invite you to listen to the reassuring song of the
Power of Your Love, With Lyrics, By Hill Song



Thursday, April 24, 2014

Tripping Over My Bottom Lip

Whether rejected by someone not sitting with you or maybe something such as being ignored, the pain of being avoided hurts. We can either look at it as what it is, which could be nothing of your own fault, or we can see it for what Satan wants us to see it to being an attack to us personally. How do you handle it?
Me? I have a hard time with feeling inadequate. A simple gesture of someone moving over to another table when there was plenty of room at mine sent me quickly into a self centered low and a bit depressed. I had to sit and quickly pray. I literally prayed that God would set my mind back into focus and I had to remember that most people's issues are not my own. I refused to permanently grab hold of the down feelings of being rejected. And really, I wasn't rejected as I thought tonight. It just felt like that was happening. Satan wanted me to feel bad about myself and build anger.

The Holy Spirit listened to my prayer and comforted the ache that kicked me in my heart. “Think with your head not with your heart. Trust me with this.” God placed a God sized bandage on the little boo boo of unnecessary pride.

How often this happens to people when we put assumptions in front of fact and listen to Satan instead of God. When your heart breaks in times as this, who has control over fixing the cracks?

Heavenly Father, Thank you for showing me that I am not always seeing the full picture. Lord, thank you for showing me that what I see and what I feel isn't always what is happening. Keep my eyes open and my pride shut down. Thank You God for sending the Holy Spirit to ease the pains that every day life can throw at me. Please help me when I trip over my bottom lip that I  only fall straight into Your compassionate care.
In Jesus Name,

Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Jonah: A Lesson for the Children ( Part One)

Jonah ran away from God's instructions to go to Nineveh and tell the people to turn from their evil ways. Jonah knew that if he did as God told him, that the people would, in the long run, be blessed. He didn't see how those evil people could ever deserve God's blessings so Jonah ran toward Tarshish. He refused to do what God wanted him to do. Why should he give those people a break? Why do they deserve mercy? They didn't do what God wanted. To Jonah, these people were far from deserving mercy. Jonah took actions into his own hands and fled just to spite the people that God actually loved.
   He ran away and did what he wanted to. Jonah boarded a ship and caused a mighty storm to happen. Waves crashed, strong winds blew and life was hard on the runaway trip. When the people on the ship realized that it was Jonah who was causing the "storm curse" they threw him over board and a large fish swallowed him in one piece.
Picture Jonah in the pit of the "whale's" stomach. Guts. Disgusting. Slime of lives bombarding his every move. Jonah had to be feeling his lowest. How did he survive in that mess? How could he get out of that horrible situation? Jonah cried out God and God released him of his misery. The gigantic fish threw him up and Jonah was once again in a situation where he had to decide, "Obey God or not?"
  Although Jonah knew the people who disrespected God would benefit from his decision, Jonah went to Nineveh and told the people to turn from their wicked ways and turn to the Lord. Jonah wasn't happy about having to listen to God but he obeyed anyway.
What would you do if you were him?

I have been angry at many people in my life time. I get jealous that God still loves them in spite of the evil things they have done to me and to other children. It's very hard for me to know that God loves them just as much as He would others. He does.God really loves each of us.

Is it easy for me to love everyone the way God does? No. If God came up to me and said forgive those people who hurt me, could I do it? It wouldn't always be easy but I could through Jesus who could help teach me to do so. What if God tells me to share about His love so that they would know Him and find their way to Heaven. Would I be able to do that, even if I thought they were bad and deserved to go to Hell and live with the devil forever?  Yes, it is possible.

 Would I run away and not listen to God just as Jonah did? I guess I have done just that. There has been times in my life that I am jealous of God's love. I have crossed my arms across my chest, stick my nose up in the air and stomped as I turned away from God's instructions. I guess you could say those times where my Jonah times. Those were days when I "got in my boat and traveled off to Tarshish instead of listening and telling the bad people to turn from their wicked ways." Yes, I have taken a detour from God's way.

When I did things my way, I got whales sized nudges until I found myself praying and asking God to forgive me and help me to love those other people. After all, have I always been perfect and lovable?  No. What if someone didn't show me that God wanted me to turn from wrong things? If no one cared enough to share the love of Jesus, where would I be today? Where would I spend my forever days after I die? Would I know what love was?

Next time God tells you to love someone, even when it seems totally impossible, you can do it. You can love the unlovable people. When you find it isn't easy, ask God to see the people like He does. Just like He sees you.

We all have Jonah days. Those are the day's when you need to ask God to be the captain of your boat. Which direction will go on those days?

Dear God, when I can't find enough love in my heart to love someone else, will You please help me to do it? Help me to obey You, even when it's hard to do.Thank You for loving each of us and showing us how to love each other.
In Jesus Name,


Friday, March 14, 2014

SIGNS of Child Sexual Abuse ( Reposted per Request )

Reposting upon request.

SIGNS of Child Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of sexual behaviors that take place between a child and a person older than them. These behaviors are meant to arouse the older person in a sexual way. There is usually no thought given given to what effect the behavior may have on the child. Sadly, the abuser does not care about the reactions or choices of the child.

Child sexual abuse often involves body contact such as sexual kissing, touching, and oral, anal, or vaginal sex. However, not all sexual abuse involves body contact. Showing private parts ("flashing"), forcing children to watch pornography, verbal pressure for sex, and exploiting children as prostitutes or for pornography can be sexual abuse as well.

What are signs that a child has been sexually abused? Are there clear signs? The following may be some things that could alert you to this abuse but are not limited to all. Even one of these listed could be enough to do further investigation.

* Separation anxiety. All children will have some form of separation anxiety, but pay closer attention to severe temper tantrums toward a particular person. This is especially true for a toddler who is not able to speak yet.

*Avoids or tries to avoid being with you significant other

* the child is not happy as they once were: cries often, depressed

* regressive behavior : bed-wetting or soiling clothes

*extremely emotional for no apparent reason


*drop in grades, trouble in school

* Eating habits may change: unexpected weight gain or lose suddenly.

*complains of headaches, stomachaches or other pain but can find no medical reason for it

*Nightmares or fears of being alone in the dark

*Suddenly afraid to remove clothes at bath time or feels the need to go to bed fully clothed

*loses interested in hobbies or sports

*does not want to be hugged or kissed

*becomes rebellious and angry

*child becomes clingy and /or doesn't want you out of their sight

*shows inappropriate sexual behavior ( Does the child show certain sexual characteristics, language or actions that he or she shouldn't know? )

*Sudden lack of communication with you

*Stay to themselves more and see less of their friends

*unexplained accumulation of gifts or money

*self destructive behavior such as self mutilation , drug dependency, suicidal

*bruising or bleeding in the genital area

*bruising to breast buttocks, lower abdomen or thighs

It's important to recognize that sexual abuse doesn't always involve body contact. Exposing a child to sexual situations or material is sexually abusive, whether or not touching is involved.

It is frightening to know that sexual abuse usually occurs by someone the child knows and should be able to trust—most often close relatives.

Statistics show that one in every four girls and one in every six boys have been or will be sexually abused.

The earlier child abuse is caught, the better the chance of recovery and appropriate treatment for the child. Child abuse is not always obvious. By learning some of the common warning signs of child abuse and neglect, you can catch the problem as early as possible and get both the child and the abuser the help that they need.The earlier child abuse is caught, the better the chance of recovery and appropriate treatment for the child. Keep in mind that child abuse is not always obvious.

Heavenly Father,

I come to you with a heart felt cry that no parent or adult would have to research the previous information because of fear that their child may have been touched or exposed to any unacceptable behavior such as sexual child abuse. Praying for education, prevention and care for each child you created. I pray for parental and adult guidance with wisdom and discernment.

I am bringing to you the troubles I too have faced, knowing that You, Lord, will turn what Satan gave as evil back into good, I can give back in empathy in overcoming the pains through Your unconditional love. I am forever grateful for Your healing hand and compassion.

In Jesus Name, Amen


The trauma of abuse is never fully gone from a person's consciousness. Its filthy stain leaves its residue on the soul forever. However, like all bad experiences, it is possible to turn this experience into good by developing compassion and empathy for others who have been through this experience. Many people feel that bringing meaning to a traumatic experience is a path to healing. When I turn a negative experience into a tool that brings meaning into my life and others, I am taking the best kind of revenge on my abuser.

Abuse By Family Friend Poems / CC BY 3.0

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Social Media, Heaven or Hell Bound ?

I went to a child abuse chat on Twitter expecting to be an encourager as a survivor and was then lead to a private face book survivors group and found myself in social media hell. I don't mean to be disrespectful to the group but a bunch of people supporting negativity isn't my idea of being supportive at all. For me, it supported my nightmares and anger. Sadness poured and regrets boiled back inside of me. The people on that site refused to allow God to be near the pages. Satan had me drawn and it glued me there like a rat on a sticky glue trap waiting to die.

I was quickly condemned  for offering up prayers and hope. After listening to the groans of these damaged and angry victims,  I have to admit that I was questioning the validity of God being with me at times I needed Him most. I began to feel unwanted and worthless. Once again I felt disgusting. Oh, I was wanted there, at that sight. Satan wanted me there so I could begin to once again to see myself as low and filthy. His plan was succeeding and depression once again slathered me with worldly doubts This was never ever the intents of the founder of this page. But it certainly was the intent of Satan himself.

It began to sicken me to listen to all the negative people. They were reaching out but they wouldn't allow anything positive to grab hold to. They reached out to keep hold of oppression. I could not only see it but felt it. Conviction.

 The Holy Spirit took me by the hand and lead me in a different direction. I started my own private Facebook page for CHRISTIAN Survivors / Over comers of Child Sexual Abuse. There isn't much movement on that page, unlike the other where many  comments and cries scream out. This tells me something. When you rely on the Lord, Jesus Christ to comfort you, it is a secure bonding that doesn't fade quickly but instead rest sweetly in your heart and brings comfort rather that corruption.

I feel just as strongly against the abuses as I ever had. My convictions haven't changed. I hurt for the abused children. I wish innocence was never stolen and insecurities could be erased and mended. I believe that pedophiles still need punished, But that is God's job not mine. My job is to go to God, through His son, Jesus, to ask for strength to forgive. It's my privilege and most precious gift as a Christian to have the Holy Spirit to comfort me when I hurt in the memory.

I could have stayed amongst the low hopelessness of non believers who shut out hope. I could have vented by stomping my feet and gnashing my teeth. Do you think that would have gotten me any further on my journey of healing? 

By offering the hope of healing through the Love of Jesus, I fed others while the Holy Spirit filled me. How kind and compassionate is Papa God who takes His children into His loving arms and becomes a shelter, a refuge and a safe haven in a world full of self willed man made insecurity.

 We all have a choice to make. Live in Love or die in self ? Which would you rather share today?

Proverbs 24:14 NIV Know also that wisdom is like honey for you:
If you find it, there is a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.


Monday, February 17, 2014

No Blame No Shame ( REPOSTED )

No Blame No Shame

      Just needing to  share.....

No Blame, No Shame

As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we often grow up blaming ourselves for the abuse that happened. As children, we are bought up to know that "adults know best" - and so when someone tells you often enough that it's your fault, eventually you believe it. I was to blame.

I believed that the reason I was hurt so badly by people I cared about was simply because that’s what I deserved. I deserved it because of who I was as a person. I was bad. It wasn't so much what I did that made me "bad" - but more just something that I was....something that was in me in spite of how well I tried to behave or how good I tried to be. Nothing I did to be "better" made anything better or made people treat me better - and so, understandably, I concluded that I was treated badly simply because of who and what I was. If you have felt this, please know that it was an affect of the abuse you experienced, not a statement of truth.

As I grew into an adult, I kept believing that the abuse was my fault. I did something to deserve it. Accepting that we do not have control over everything in our lives and everything that happens to us is a necessary part of healing.

I tried to seek many ways in which I could blame myself..

It was my fault because if I'd been a better maybe “so and so" would have loved me more and not hurt me.

A parent(s) should love and care for you regardless of how you behave or what you do. Their love for you should be unconditional. No matter what you did wrong, or what you think you did wrong, you did not deserve to be abused.
Abuse from a parent does not happen because of some failure or inadequacy on the child's part. It happens because of some failing within the parent.

It's my fault because I didn't tell anyone.

All children who do not tell about their abuse have very good reasons for keeping silent. For example:
Your abuser may have threatened you.
You may have been scared that no one would believe you.
You didn't know how to tell or what words to use.
You were frightened that you may be punished.
You were very confused about what was happening.
You didn't know what was happening was abuse.
……and many many more reasons.

Looking back as an adult at the reasons you had for not telling, you may think these reasons as not good enough. Adult survivors of child sexual abuse may say to themselves, "I was so stupid to believe that threat". But try to understand that the way you see things now is going to be completely different to how you saw things as a frightened abused child. The fears you had about telling would have been very very real back then, and you shouldn't dismiss what a powerful silencer fear and uncertainty can be.
It’s my fault because I let the abuse go on for so long.

You didn't "let" the abuser keep abusing. You were overwhelmed and powerless to stop the abuser.

It's my fault because I liked it happening because it felt good.
Regardless of how it felt to you, what happened was still abuse.

When children are touched sexually, conditioned responses are automatic and natural to the body and they happen whether you want them to or not.

It's my fault because I wanted that special time.

It may have been that this was the only time that you felt wanted, needed or special. Abusers can be very good at making children feel like the abuse happens because they love you so much.
Regardless, the abuse was still 100% wrong. The abuser abused his knowledge of your emotional needs and wants, and used that to get what he wanted.
It's my fault because my abuser said it was my fault.

Most abusers are very fearful of what will happen they are made public. They may fear what their families and friends will say to them; they may fear prison,of losing their jobs. And so, they are going to try to make sure that the child doesn't say anything to anyone. ONE way of doing this is to tell the child that it's their fault that the abuse is happening. Telling the child it is their fault, is a way for the abuser to control the situation by making the child afraid that they will be blamed and get into trouble if they report it to anybody.

It's my fault because I didn't fight hard enough.

Children do not have the physical strength or theability to think adults. Often there will be threats hanging over the child's head if they don't do as they are told - and so they may feel totally unable to fight on any level.

Children do what they can to survive an attack and submission is not desire, it is survival.

It's my fault because I didn't say NO!

Many child survivors feel that they are partly to blame for the abuse because they didn't say "NO!” There are many reasons why you might not have said no:

You were confused.
You didn't know you were allowed to say no.
You didn't want to say no.
You were too frightened to say no.

Children cannot consent to a sexual relationship because they are below the age of consent. It is not the responsibility of a child to say "no" to sex.

It's my fault because I thought I wanted it or said I wanted it.

All children, especially as they reach their teenage years, start thinking about their sexuality and become interested in exploring sex. This is perfectly normal, and even necessary for healthy sexual and social development. Children and teens who are reaching this age may become attracted to people who are older than them, and may even desire or seek to engage in intimate relationship with them.

A responsible adult understands that children who are under the age of legal consent are not mentally, psychologically or physically ready for sexua linteraction, and therefore they should not engage with a teen in this way. Therefore, even if you initiated, wanted or "consented" to sexual contact with an older person it was still abuse and it was not your fault.

It must be my fault because I was abused by different people.

Some children are abused by more than one person in different times of abuse. If you have been the victim of multiple abuses you may feel that you must be to blame because you keep getting chosen to be abused – and in fact some survivors talk about feeling they have a label on their head saying "hurt me".

Child abusers may target children who are more vulnerable. Child survivors may find it difficult to tell the difference between good touch and bad touches.

It's my fault that I didn't protect my siblings.

Some children feel guilty that they weren't able to protect their brothers / sisters from the abuse – and believe they are partly to blame for this abuse. You cannot be held responsible for anything your abuser did to you or to anyone else. Your abuser is the only one that can take responsibility for what they've done.

It is important to learn that the abuser had control and is to blame...not you. You were a child and should have been treated and respected as one.

 I am praying for education before this healing needs to occur.

 Please Lord, let the abused child in each of us, keep the knowledge that we are innocent. Thank You Heavenly Father, for never letting us be alone. I praise you for the healing and for seeing us through your eyes.

 Mark 5:34 He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." (NIV)

Are you a victim of child abuse? Is your past haunting you with blame? Give it to God. Ask Him to let you see what He sees in you. I am praying that you too can begin to see the real you.


Friday, February 7, 2014

Blog Splatterings, Too Down to Lift You Up

As if I dipped my quill in an ink well and carelessly dripped black splotches all over my paper, I couldn't see what the words of my life were saying? HUH? Exactly. Lately the things I have been wanting to write were like blog-splatterings. Smudges, smears and unclear, my thoughts were covered with imperfections. How could I share uplifting words of encouragement when I couldn't even encourage myself? What kind of blogger would I be if all I could share was negativity? I wasn't going to draw a life picture with words that would only bring my readers down. I just couldn't do it. So I just didn't.
 I have a few friends who share with me stories of ugly situations they went through. Some remain stuck and wedged in a life time of childhood abuses and can't move forward. I am saddened for them.
  After one of my share sessions I began to recall some things that I wish were never brought to my mind. It was a memory that disturbed my heart and Satan was fighting his best to bring it to my thoughts as often as he could. Only this time, I ( thought I  ) was at fault in a situation. And it hurt. Knowing that the pedophile used me to lure in and even get into the act of using another child is gut- wretching. I was a child, she was a child and we were both being attacked by the molester. A sick mans game brought us into what seemed like a truth or dare child's game. But there was no truth to it and I should not have dared to participate. Verbal commands mirrored two young girls at his demand. I recently was traumatized by Satan's lies calling myself the molester. Sadness consumed me. Satan laughed as he lied and Jesus cried the tears that rolled down my cheeks.
The months of holidays came and went. I felt so alone. I dared not share this with anyone. After all, who would want to hear this crud during a season that is supposed to be one of celebration and joy. My therapist had her own situations and didn't need to hear mine. My new friend was in her "triggering" season and couldn't see past her haunting memories  to see that I had any of my own.  Meanwhile, other "victims" I was sharing with weren't quite yet I kept my junk ( mostly) to myself.
I kept it to myself. That, my dears, was the problem. Instead of giving it to God and asking the Holy Spirit to help me through it, I kept the lies and disgrace and claimed it as my own.  What would have happen if I had first shared with the Lord what He already knew was on my heart? Oh the freedom that would have been given . The healing once more could have begun. God was there when these things happened. Wasn't He waiting for me to come to Him when this situation would come from the depths of me? Nothing surprises God. He is prepared to lift me up, dust me off, wipe my tears and gently kiss away the fears with His Love.
 Listen, It's this simple. I didn't write because I couldn't. I didn't want other to feel the low I was feeling or to share in the grief that I hugged so tightly to. Making others sink into depression with me, well, I am not here to blog such an attitude.  But what I am here to  do is to witness to others about is that we have a great big awesome God who loves us far beyond our imaginations. We able to pray to God and tell Him all our needs. He wants us to be completely honest about the way we are feeling, and ask Him to guide us in finding the help we need.

Does it seem as if you just can't be comforted or relieved from your problems of the past or in the present? If so, pray. Perhaps God will place a person or someone else to guide you to a pastor or godly counselor that can help.

 I will not have perfect days. Smudges will come and smear my mind with errors. Let me encourage you to trust in the Lord God to bring you through the toughest of days. I will have them. You will have them. And both of us can give them to Him and get back on track.

I apologize to my readers, my friends, my family for not being real with you." I want to be real", in the words of a great friend. So there it is, laid before you and laid at the cross. Claim and own the grace, the mercy and the power, through the Holy Spirit to get through the "splatterings". In Jesus Name.

If you are visiting this via email please visit my blog page, to listen to the song placed in my heart just for this blog entry, I turn to You Jesus.
Blessings, Mary