Thursday, March 29, 2012

I need a NAN

Two conferences, two lessons all with the same me anyway. Of all the many lessons and instructions I could have taken with me, I came back with one of the same: I need a NAN.

I didn't realize the void that Jesus needed to fill this time was needed in a momma's touch. Intimacy looks different this time. I have prayed for a Papa God hug, picturing me crawling up in the lap of a great big God and getting a bear hug.This time, I felt the desire for gentleness.

Nan allowed Jamie to kiss her on the cheek and hug her when she wanted. Nan held her hand. It wasn't just to guide her where she need to go for Jamie was blind. Nan gave her affirmation of trust, respect and the bonding of a momma. Jamie saw Nan's heart. They are both blessed to have such a caring woman in thier lives.

 Jamie glows in her words about Nan. She expressed so much respect as she wrote , “Our relationship is priceless. I couldn't ask for a better friend...a better mentor...prayer partner...cheerleader and "Mom”. I know that no matter what, I can pick up the phone and call her. If I need to talk and she's home, she'll drop what's she doing to sit down and listen to me.”

Brenda and Brantly shared more than friendship. Choosing “family” is so precious. These two ladies share adopted hearts. I thought they were mother and daughter with our very first meeting, only to learn that Brenda took Brantly not just under her wing but into her heart.
 How sweet to hear Brantly call her “mom”. And how beautiful it was to feel Brenda accept the title. They hugged. Brenda watched for and cared for Brantly like she would her own. They shared “grandchildren “pictures off Brantly's phone. They shared life.

I don't have a mother or mother in law on earth anymore. I hope to see them one day and and give each one a soul to soul hug. Until then I crave the caress, touch, intimacy and care of someone that God can provide in my life.... to adopt me.

Being honest with my heart, I am not only praying for the empty women still here on earth, but I am also praying for myself, that God will place a special sister (“momma”) in all of our lives. Someone who can brush the hair out eyes, hug and be hugged., stay close to, pray with, cry on, laugh with, and be willing to adopted at heart”. I pray for the Nan's and Brenda's.

Heavenly circumstances may have taken my “moms” home... but I trust in Him to provide here again. I am grateful He gives His Holy Spirit to be here for me. I know that is greater than any other request I could make of Him. I don't even have to ask. He gives that Agape love freely.

Nan had given Jamie advice that I will carry with me daily. “When you can't Praise God for your circumstances, praise Him for who He is.”

Lamentations 3:24: The Lord is my portion, says the soul, Therefore I hope in Him.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012


I have never felt the emotion of a soldier coming back into my arms. Shivers of watching a healed man walk in a miraculous healing has never been witnessed by me. I have not run through grass to my sweetheart while he ran to me. A key of my very own brand new car has never been handed to me. A million dollars never crossed my hands. What is it like to get the promotion you have been waiting for? My book hasn't been published nor has anyone heard my song on the radio. You probably won't see the number on my back as you run to catch up to me in a marathon. Doubt you will ever call me Dr..of anything. There won't be a plaque saying I discovered a hidden cure. No trophies line my shelf. And hearing my name called as I cross the stage in a college graduation is a far away dream.

Jeremiah 29 11: "For I know I the plans I have for you, declares the Lords, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to giv eyou a hope and a future."

But what I have is in life is more rewarding more to me than all of these
things.Through out my life of ups and downs, and struggles and heart aches, wishes, wants and dreams, I gained something that only love could give. It is a hope for my future. A plan made by God to live for Him. I will fight for the right to run to Him as He waits for me with open arms. I have
learned that the key to heaven is to accept and trust the daily polished and
shining love of Jesus. I might not ever get those millions but I will prosper in His riches. My promotion is in working for Him, with Him and by His
power I will climb the ladder of spiritual success..My name is written in the
book of life. I will sing praises to the Lord and when I graduate, the only
trophy I want is the one that is engraved, “Well done my good and faithful
servant.” In this  I will have won.

2 Corinthians 4 :17-18 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Let It Go

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty
where with Christ hath made us free,
and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage."
Galatians 5:1 (KJV)

Let me compare asking forgiveness to flying a kite. I see myself letting go of the kite (sin). At times it takes a while and I let it go a bit at time, letting the string off the reel just an inch here and an inch there. I often feel huge convictions and so I just let it unreel faster and faster and run and rush to give more of it to God. It is flying high, getting closer to God the higher it gets. But, because I still have the string, I am still attached and in control of the kite (sin). I haven't yet given it freely and fully to God. I keep hold of it to use one day when it is convenient for me to take back and use for my pleasure. When I decide that this is too much for me to be trusted with, because I am surely willing to abuse it, I know I can let go of that control. I let go of the kite (sin) and its string... and let it be totally Gods. Picturing my hands releasing what wasn't mine to begin with, a freedom occurs and I am at peace.
I don't want to run after it, chasing and hoping for another chance to take control again. I need to quit running after what I have given to the Lord. I desire to give it to God and be set free.

Lord, help me to let You take total control of my life. Help me to release everything to You. Do not let me get tangled in the kite string of bondage. Thank You for giving us the ability of being set free in Christ.

Let Go and Let God
By Helen Steiner Rice

When you are troubled and worried  and sick at heart,
When your plans are upset and your world falls apart,
Remember God's ready and waiting to share,
The burden you find much to heavy to bear.
So with faith, let go and let God lead the way
Into a less troubled and brighter day.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

SWING ...Batter Batter...SWING !!!!!

"Hey Batter Batter... Hey Batter Batter."

Here I am trying to get back into the swing of things. It is not easy to move ahead after losing someone you love. Even if it is something as small as a dog. To me, she is huge.

 I cried less yesterday than I did the day before. Well into the morning, I haven't cried once. Yet. I picked out the picture I will hang on my wall of my little four legged friend. It may bring tears to my eyes as I pet the picture. But what I want to do is to let it bring back all the fun memories.

Next to the picture I wil hang a heart shaped plaque that has her foot print embedded in it. I know just where I want to put it,,, right next to another heart ornament that  says, "A Friend Is One of God's miracles."

I am back up to to the plate, Ready to swing again. And even if I cry and strike out today, or tomorrow, I will have fun memories of the game. And who knows... maybe, just maybe, I might look for another dog to chase the ball.  Nothing can ever replace that wagging tail player... but I am willing to give a new player a chance at the game.

A Puppy Poem
You can't buy loyalty, they say
I bought it though, the other day;
You can't buy friendship, tried and true,
But just the same, I bought that too.
I made my bid, and on the spot
Bought love and faith and a whole job lot
Of happiness, so all in all
The purchase price was pretty small
I bought a single trusting heart,
That gave devotion from the start
If you think these things are not for sale,
Buy a brown-eyed puppy with a wagging tail.
Author Unknown

Monday, March 12, 2012

Missing Frannie / Missing "Mom"

God gave me a precious gift ten years ago. I can't even begin to write how much love goes into a four legged family member. Why does God give us these emotions? Missing her hurts so much. Yesterday I had to put my little lady, Miss Frannie Klein Frankfurt Edwards, to sleep after being hit in our driveway. Frannie Klein Frankfurt.. Frannie little wiener. I sure loved the long “little hotdog”. She was the prettiest dachshund. She adored her family of both humans and animals that live here.

I feel so lost. Who will bark at the big dogs now? It is going to be too quiet here for a while. She ruled the roost. Our German Shepherds won't have the ankle biter to play "chase the rock with" any more. Our pit bull, Baby, is going to have to find someone else to warm the log cabin dog box that is at my back door. Guess Tiger, will have to fill that empty spot. That one year old cat stuck close to Frannie. They groomed each other. It was instant family for the two of them. Pure love. Unconditional.

Unconditional. God loves each of us that way . I sure hope all Dogs go to Heaven, as the old movie says, so God can continue to love her in such a sweet way. Picturing her running without pain and playing with the other “angel dogs”. The first thing we said to our nine year old boy, DJ , was that Frannie will be taking care of grandma now. I think that may have eased some of the pain for all of us. Well,maybe.

Putting that dog to sleep brought back the memory of taking my mother in law off of dialysis, which was the only thing keeping that suffering woman alive. I realized that being the medical power of attorney is much the same as in this situation. It causes you to make the hardest decisions but praying for and hoping for the the best choice for the patient.(Oh gosh this hurts.)

I loved my sweet mother in law. I miss her so much, I ache with sadness. But I would never change my decision of the step it took to get her to Heaven any faster. No one wants to see family members suffer. And that is exactly what she was doing and would have continued to do. After she died, God spoke to me ,”Thank you for preparing my child for Me.” It was confirmation and the comfort I needed.

I think I need to hear those words again.

“Frannie, take care of Dolores. Run and play... like grandma couldn't do anymore.” I know laughter is loud in Heaven. Joy is ringing out. I wonder what the children---who have made it before us--- I wonder what the laughter sounds like as Frannie sings, “How Much in that Doggie in the Window?”.

                  "Good bye my sweet friend."
"Thank You God for giving us the chance to love and feel loved by this four legged family member. Give her a tummy rub for me. Ok?"

I will miss you girl. You were the best friend of all of us. You were mine.
Good bye my sweet friend.

Psalm 34:15
 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His eyes are open to thier cry.

Phillipians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything , by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known unto God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

"MINE !"

I came across a writing I wrote for my daughter, her husband and their precious son. I miss my daughter and her family who lives across the country in California. Family is a treasure. It is a gift. God gave us our children, to raise, to share, to bring up for Him. And although He let us borrow them for our lifetime...they were always His. 
How sweet the vison of God looking at us and saying about us, "Mine !". 

Parents look into their new baby's eyes for the very first time, smelled the skin of  the tiny newborn, counted each finger and toe and knew for the first time.."This is mine"

"It's up to me  to protect you, to make you feel secure, to feed you, to hold you when you cry." The baby doesn't know yet that he trusts you, depends on you but most of all he loves you. Their instinct tells them " they are mine" And that bond grows through the years, even through difficult days, skinned knees, first loves, and first break ups. Parents learn to depend on their child too for reassurance that just maybe they did something right. Children need to hear praise, too, for the task they attempted and succeeded in. They have so much in common, the ones we call " Mine"

  Then comes a day when that all grown up child finds some one else to call "Mine'. But now its more like ..."Mine..all Mine'.  One day they will decide to take what was "theirs" to have and to hold from this day forward. He will protect her with shelter and she will make sure he is fed. He or she can not imagine a love greater than this. Until they have the awesome pleasure of looking into the eyes of the infant they will call "Mine ". and the cycle will begin again. blessed. Loved. Treasured and "Mine"

May God bless you with the love...that once was 'MINE' and share it with each other. I freely give  it to you. I love you... grown up child of mine.

To :Michelle, Tony and Sean, I love you, Mom 

John 1:12-13
“To all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God – children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.”

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


Diamond,  Hexagon, Star, trapezoid, circle, star, square , oval........

Do you ever feel like that popular toddler shape sorter toy where life tries to put you into a place where it is difficult to fit in ? My friend and I were having a fun chat of how this feels.

"I feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round circle."
"Not me, I am a triangle."
"You think thats bad? Try being a star,"

"Agh ! I'm being pulled apart. Just go ahead world, pick a part of me and try to shove it into the place you think I'll fit. Nope, that's not it. Try again. OUCH that hurts. Stop. Wait. Easy now. Look real hard. Study. Be sturdy. There. Perfect. I fit right where God wants me to be. Only there."

It seems like I let the world try to form me. There are times when I play the "fit- me -in" game and yet I don't belong there.  Did I actually choose to be part of this game?  I know this isn't blind mans bluff. My eyes are open.Where are the directions to this puzzle anyway? O.K. -there is is, in black and white. The finest instructions are written in red. The title in each step are all the same. BIBLE. It's life's application. The Owner's Manual. If I read how to play God will help me to apply the rules to play this life properly.
 Help me Lord to listen to your instruction. Help me to only be shaped by Your hands. When I feel the push and shove, let me, Lord, ignore the pressure and give in only to Your ways. I belong only to you. Shape me to be Yours.

Psalm 139: 13-16
     For You created my in most being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before I came to be.


Monday, March 5, 2012


Praise be to the God and Father or our Lord Jesus Christ,the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.(NIV)2 Corinthians 1: 3-4

My heart said go the lady crying, sobbing into her hands in her truck , but somehow I just stayed planted in my car and felt bad for her. As I backed out of the parking space, my heart pounded furiously. Why didn't you go see if you could pray for her, I asked myself. Instead I wondered, to this day, what it was she was crying about, or how, maybe, I may been the one person it took to help her see God in what ever it was she was facing. Could I have made a difference? God speaks to me and says “yes”, one person, one conversation, could help another find Him. It starts with the obedience, “To Go”. Don't wait if you feel that “nudge” of His hand. I may have the voice to say the words that Jesus wanted her to hear.

Thought for The Day: Do not hesitate to obey. Your obedience does effect the destiny of others.

Dear God, thank you for letting me be your voice. Help me to go when you direct me. In you I will trust.