Thursday, May 30, 2013

Changes of my Stinkin' Thinkin'

Sometimes we get used to routines. But when the routine takes a turn... it may become necessary to change directions. Scenic routes aren't always the best ones to travel down.

Praying for Godly direction. Which road do we travel down next?

Right now it is time to turn another page in the atlas of my life.

Philippians 4:8-9

New International Version (NIV)
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I have always felt that people should all get an equal chance for love, compassion, equality and fairness. I still stand on that.

My son has been part of a wonderful oragnization for three years. I loved watching him grow and mature as he mingled with other children while learning become a fine citizen... as a child and... one day... a man.  He has been supported by the leaders of this organization who love and respect D.J. for who he is. I applaud them and give them my highest respect and  unendless thank you's.

But something has changed. It is not my heart towards this but my mind. I had to change my stinkin' thinkin'. I had no idea that I would be the one who would stand against change. Not in this area. One of my best friends stays faced in this direction in her home life. The road she takes travels through many scenes. She appears happy. She and her girlfriend are fine with who they are. I know the real back ground of why she became who she is. Until you know her story, I wouldn't place judgement. I understand who she is and why.

 I am not a homophobic nor predjudice. Hate the sin, love the sinner. Right? Let me make it clear that it is the sin that I do not want to be a part of.

However, when it comes to morals that I want my children to be in and have, I am against certain things. Why? In the Bible God instructs this...

"If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination." (Leviticus 20:13).

 I looked up with definition of abomination :
[ ə bòmmi náysh'n ]

  1. something horrible: an object of intense disapproval or dislike
  2. something shameful: something that is immoral, disgusting, or shameful
  3. intense dislike: a feeling of intense dislike or disapproval toward somebody or something

The oath of this organization is this...

On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the "..." Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong,
mentally awake, and morally straight.

If I go by what the Bible tells me  the oath is no longer correct. My son quoting his oath and be untruthful. This is my conviction. I hope one day it will be his as well.

This is what is written into new "laws":

Youth membership in the "........" is open to all youth who meet the specific membership requirements to join the "...., ...., ....., .... and the ....." programs. Membership in any program of the :.............."requires the youth member to (a) subscribe to and abide by the values expressed in the "...." Oath and "...." Law, (b) subscribe to and abide by the precepts of the Declaration of Religious Principle (duty to God), and (c) demonstrate behavior that exemplifies the highest level of good conduct and respect for others and is consistent at all times with the values expressed in the "...." Oath and "...." Law. No youth may be denied membership in the "....  ..... ....."on the basis of sexual orientation or preference alone."

Duty to God? Behaviour that exemplifies the highest of good conduct and respect? Morally straight?

I am a bit confused here.

I do know that not all homosexuals are violators or perpertators.  I know not all homosexuals are pedophiles to obtain what they need by trickery or seductive ways.  Please do not judge my removal of my son due to my thoughts toward those innocent of that kind of thinking. It is against the principles.

I will stand up for my rights as a Christian parent. My child may get compassion confused with affection attention.  I can not and will not close my eyes to possiblities of exposure to things which will come between my son and his safety. Safety of mind or body.

Please pray with me as we watch our world change before our eyes. We are travelling through unknown territories. I have a feeling as things in this world  change at such a fast pace, that we may be travelling down a route to dangers ahead.

My son is not going to be buckled in by my hands, clean or unclean, to take that ride. I have had to make deliberate changes in my thinking. It is for the protection of my family and my respect to God.

I re-post the Word...

Philippians 4:8-9

New International Version (NIV)
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

I think I like these "laws" best.

God bless you as you make decisions for your family and yourself as well.



Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Even Though....

I was the nails that were used to hang Jesus. Sin gripped it's hands around me and shoved me through the flesh and bones of the Lord.

The assignment for this week,  for my Encourager's Christian Writers Group, was to write about an inanimate object, in first person, 500 words or less.

I knew right away I wanted to write about His nails. So I pondered the thoughts of words I would write. Aw, this will sound good.  Then the ideas began to fade. I need a visual to work with. God give me something. Anything. I pleaded this as I walked outside.

What I saw next was perfect. A railroad spike just lay on the ground. Right in front of me lay the perfect tool to use in my writing. Thank you God for giving me this perfect prop. Cold heard, mean. That was the "me" I would "talk though".

Two weeks later, I had still not written anything. Sitting at my kitchen table I pulled out my memo tablet and began to write. Poems. Sentences. Words that mean everything I would feel but never fell perfectly in place. My thoughts were there but the format was scattered and falling apart. 

I lowered my head, ran my fingers through my hair and prayed. God what do you want me to write?

"Even though" The words spoke to my spirit.

"Even though? Even though what? That's it? Even though?"

I picked up the spike of a nail and felt its every shape, bump and imperfection,  I knew everything about it. How it must have been beyond excruciating for the nail to be driven into the feet and hands of Jesus.  It made me tremble. I placed the spiked nail down in front of me.

I have to write about the pain. About the flesh hanging feeling the blood pour from the Lords every dying pulse of His breaking heart beat.

God repeated His words, "Even though."

"God, Even though... what?" I almost argued with Him. "That isn't long enough."  I walked in the bathroom and  picked up the bottle of nail polish. Returning to the table, I painted the nail in a deep red, to represent His precious blood that shed. I, the nail, caused the bleeding.

"Even Though", He said again.

Yes, God,  I know, Even though.

The Holy Spirit poured His love over me as the next line came. I knew was enough.

 Even though.... I was used in sin, God used me in His plan of salvation.

Thank You God.  Silence. I was wrapped in the love of the Holy Spirit who removed the pain of guilt of being the sin nail that made Him hang and die, and brought me to Jesus saying to me, "I am using this for Me"

No matter the sin, no matter the ugly, the hurt, the pain, the shame and the struggle... No matter what Satan used you for in his plans, God can help you say, just as the nail,
" Even though.... I was used in sin, God used me in His plan of salvation." 
A quote from Matthew Barnett.... "Your moment of brokenness will one day be a weapon of usefulness."

1 Peter 2: 24-25 NIV: “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”  For “you were like sheep going astray,”[but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

Heavenly Father, help me to take each lesson  and each conquered moment to draw another person closer to the You. Sin may have captured me but through those moments, that brought  me to surrender... there is a plan. Let it be Your plan to use me bring another home to You.

Even though....

Tuesday, May 14, 2013


The LORD dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he rewarded me. (Psalm 18:20)

Something written long ago came to my mind. I love when God does that. Wakes you up with a nudge  and whisper saying "Hey, remember this?"

 The Colored Ladder

I saw a ladder, each rung of a different represent the symbol of sin. I was at the beginning of the ladder which lead to God. He watched me closely from the top.

For each trial that I am overcoming there is a colored rung. The entire ladder was colored. And for each one I conquered..that rung became white. Holy. Just as God wants our walk (or climb) to be.

Some of the rungs are set farther apart from each other...meaning harder to deal with..but obtainable. Some..I might slip off of...but can get back up on. God watches those hard times and when we know we can't do it on our own. He is reaching down...waiting for us to reach up to Him. He forces us to do nothing...but waits for us call on Him.
In this vision I have made it up only three steps...and there is another dozen to go. But I am climbing it. And I will make it. And even if its not until I make it to heaven..I am climbing one step at a time. I dont want to look down. My goal is to reach the top. Pure. Holy in His forgiveness.

I think about when I wrote this, how God was really working diligently, boosting me, pulling me up because I had no strength and hardly any will power to climb the rungs. But with what I had left in me, I would ask for the Lord to help me. I certainly had no power to step up on any of the steps alone. So, He pulled and brought me closer to Him. I know that no matter how many times I slid down that ladder, God will be waiting for me at the bottom to catch me and at the top to help me up.

I have shared with a friend that my hands have begun to slip again  And I need prayer to bring my grip tighter.

I listen to shared heartfelt stories of ladder climbers. We pray together. Through the Holy Spirit we lift and get lifted. But ouch, does it hurt when we fall back down. And it brings aching to our hearts to have to work our way back. The climb is worth the labor, effort and battle to make it back up again. Again we will pray, and as we cry, and praise, through the perseverance, God will hear. He will rescue.

God delights in you. He loves to delight in you, to bear you up, to cherish you, to hold you, to correct you in love and to help you when you fall.
When you cry out to Him, He rescues. My prayer today is that we are reminded of God's Love that wraps around us and that He delights in us. Rejoice, for in whatever you face, you will reach Him in the climb.


Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Encouraged to Speak

I woke up this morning and on my computer read this....

Today, Mary, we believe God wants you to know that ...

encouragement is important.

Everybody needs to be encouraged, including you. Keep doing the best you can, you've got what it takes and you are going to make it. Remember to encourage others to pursue their own dreams. Build each other up, encouragement is important. 
1Thessalonians 5:11 NIV
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
ME: is something that sounds completely stupid.... but hey.. I can say anything to you brother...
I was molded..we were molded...
isnt MOLD pennicillin? It helps fight off the bad. if we let it
told you it would sound stupid
just my own object lesson. LOL
DAVID: AWesome.....God has given you insight...not stupid.....
don't berate yourself....
You are such a blessing to me and many others....
ME: Aw Shucks
DAVID: really...I know are pushing this compliment.....don't do that..recieve it..BELIEVE IT....
God was with you...and He knew, Mary, in spite of all the evil...
you would survive ...
You would tell Your story....

 ME: It isn't alwasy easy to write what is actually REAL. It puts a different vision/view point/opinion... out there... different from what others see. So I appear to be this happy go lucky person. Water off a ducks back kinda person. To some.... to others I was the depressed cranky old girl who didn't give a damn (sorry). But now, I want to let others happens. We all get in messes. Some worse than others, but all recoverable. (Did I just mess up what I was trying to write? I just let it flow. Grrr)
DAVID: I am no longer in the prison I was in... you helped me see that...your compassion.
ME: Freedom is good. Thank You.
DAVID: Yes and using those experiences to help others....

that is the bring the light into darkness....

To see how much...God thinks of you...

What a special ministry He is using you  Mary..
ME: You make me want to cry
You have such a calling on your life....

I don't understand why God didn't stop the abuse...


Me neither David. I dont have the answer for that. Not for me or for anyone else.
DAVID: I know that God is using you to touch so many. Mary..He has chosen you to speak ...

for so many who need the love of God...

That s my desire to speak out of the use that pain to help others who are hurting....discouraged..abused...
ME: See this little girl?  She was my best friend. She is also the daughter of the man who was the main violator in my life.
(Details of this conversation has been removed) 

 SHE, represents the ones I speak for. Over and over again I watched her get abused.  No more details necessary. David, I wonder where she is in life. Did she go through the same patterns? Is she a survivor? Did she allow MOLD to grow on her and ruin her or did she fight for what was Godly? Is she living a life of depression, or is  she walking with her "Stop Abuse" sign in her hands and heart? Does she live for God? Was she able to find the freedom He provides? Now what, David? Now what?
Those things, things which God lets me see in my past, those things which I let take control.... Grrr.
Its that life for which I fight for now. I wish I could take back every part of the ugly. But I can't. I can only paint over it with the blood of Jesus.
I don't deserve credit David, God does. If you want to pat me on the back, I'll let ya. .... but for me? I just want to make it one more day... and let someone else do the same. It's God. Its Jesus. It's all for HIS glory. Not mine.
DAVID: I want you to 'SEE"...that out of all those things...the ugly...the terrible...the nasty...the pure evil of it all..that You...Mary Hall spite of all the critics....all those who said you will never amount to anything....even in the moments when it would have been so easy to end it all....You have survived to tell the story and tell what God has doing in your life....
Each life that is touched by your words...
each person who was 'thrown away"... Jesus name...offer hope...restoration...


even in the most terrible of times...
ME: Good thing to learn that we can nail it to the cross, or lay it at His feet.

Boy I could drive some nails. But I don't want Jesus to suffer the hits. He already did.. now If I could just bang the HELL out of it all.

yes...but to experience...that experience and what it has taught you, Mary. To love and help others...the healing you have received...the struggle you face....

but in life..this many like what you have experienced...the hurt..the pain..the many you can reach with the love of Jesus...

I had a difficult time receiving David's compliments and encouragement. I know there are areas in my life that still haunt and still hurt. "But if in talking and sharing I can erase the punishment due me ..."

Jesus Christ died on the cross to take all the suffering and shame. Deserved, undeserved, brought on, cause by, or done too.... Jesus died for it all. I can nail the ugly and help find the beauty in freedom through the Lord.

Let me speak...for them...for Him. In Jesus Name.

Do you have a story to tell that will help  yourself and others heal? Let me encourage you to share for those who need to hear. Speak through the pain. I will be praying as you do.


Everybody needs to be encouraged, including you. Keep doing the best you can, you've got what it takes and you are going to make it. Remember to encourage others to pursue their own dreams. Build each other up, encouragement is important.



        Thursday, May 2, 2013


        A woman, disturbed by evil in her spirit, was unable to look up to the Lord. She, bent in her ways, could only see the downward pits of the world. Jesus knew the evil power that held her low. With divine love and wisdom, He called to her and removed of the spiritual disorders. Through His healing hands she was able to rise up a to the will and love of God.

        LUKE 13;10-16:

        On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.

        I have spent too many years where I could only see the dirt. Filth smothered my memory. Much was brought on by others and others brought on by myself. I am not innocent of some of the causes of the torment. Circumstances caused consequences. Formed  with low self esteem, I gave permission to being bent. I can not give Satan all the credit. God gave me WILL. I used that will to stay in the muddy dirt of depression.

        I chose to remain in depression because in that
        state of mind  I recieved the attention I searched for. Pity parties were the norm. “Feel sorry for me.” “I am a victim.” “Look what happened to me.” This was the reality I deserved to visit but not to live in.

        My blood pressure was out of control. I was sad. I was mad. I focused on me. My doctor put me on several types of antidepressants. I would quit them on my own. I had the right to be depressed and took full advantage of the attention it allowed. After all, people now listened to me when I said something. Right?Wrong.

        What I got was being avoided. My thoughts and threats of suicide became a bad habit. Each time I had justified the feeling. With those feelings spoken, I was shunned, turned away from and left to handle these things alone. But, each time, God brought a prayer warrior into my life. I was not pacified by these people, instead prayed for and was guided to let these moments be between me and God. Me and God ..alone.

        I was like the bent woman. Childhood misfortunes and adult circumstances left me hanging my head. Looking at the things that happened to me in abuses, my world weighed heavy on my shoulders. I could not find the way out of hopelessness and despair. My life spiraled downward. I couldn't straighten my life out. There was no expectation of hope. It actually happened, all hell broke loose. I was a mess.

        What about the prayers? Did they go unheard? Not at all. When I couldn't listen, much less hear, God could. Could I lift my head if it weren't for a request made by each one of those people God placed in my path to pray? I doubt it. Each whisper was captured by the Lord. Every request was listened to. God was waiting for me to come to Him with the same.

        When I felt that I came to the end of my rope, I cried out to God, “I can't take this anymore. Please God, help !" I forced each step as I walked into a prayer room with two women I had known from my prior church. I needed rescued. With the only ounce of strength I had left, I slowly surrendered to God. Crooked and bent, mangled and battered, prayer removed my hopelessness. I became encouraged. Daily progression is happening. Prayers continue and so does my growth to be straightened out and to rise.

        I was this woman, disturbed by evil in my spirit, and was unable to look up to the Lord. Bent in my ways, I could only see the downward pits of the world. Jesus knew the evil power that held me down. Because of prayer and His divine love and wisdom, He called to me. When I listened and came to Him He removed my spiritual disorders and depression. Through His healing hands I am now able to rise to the will and love of God.

        Through His will and love, I stand and see the splendor of Him. I no longer desire to be crippled , depressed and bent to the ways and the will of the world.  

        Nan  Jones

        We need to stay focused on the things that bring praises to God. Things which bring hope. When we can do this, we can be inspired to straighten out our lives. Be straightened in Him. Stand. Look up, look forward and see the the great possibilities of God.

        Dear Lord, Help me to remain standing.