I have seen results of pain festering due to that ever so strong helplessness. I witness people feeling like under no circumstances will anyone ever win. And by no means will they allow themselves to be on the losing end of abuse again. Hatred boils at the memory and those hurt victims will go to all self resources to never be victimized again. Not by anyone. Not in anyway. To see that much anger makes me...ANGRY.
And ya wanna know something else? I get it. I understand that need to be on the offensive side. Defense is over for some. It becomes time to fight until the others beg for mercy or cower. At times, it appears that these "fighters" will never cave. Heck, I don't want to cave either.
But who I want to surrender to is a whole different identity. Yes, I will fight like my life depended on it to not go back to those abusive times. I will give my all to navigate against anyone who makes me or any helpless child feel threatened like that. Yet, I have and will continue to surrender.
I do not give up the fight. The white flag of defeat isn't going to wave. I just let someone else take over. The leader over this war is superior to any of my plans, my thoughts or those horrid hurtful memories. I could never face this alone. I could speak with another until I am blue in the face. I can heal areas in my life, and I have, through therapy. But nothing, no one, ever, ever, EVER compares to the soldier that fights this war with me and for me. I quit putting myself out on the battle zone. Instead I dropped to my knees and bowed to relinquish responsibility.
Ephesians 6:12 New International Version
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
The battle that abused children and surviving adults face is not that of the flesh. Its against dark powers. It's not something we can physically go to war with. No wonder we feel powerless. Let me tell you though, there is strength in that kneeling surrender.
It took me too many years of pain through fighting in the dark. It was not until I let Light in on the subject that I gained even the smallest amount of control. Looking back, I see decades of wasted energy. Looking forward I see the rewards of letting my heart Soldier help me to find defeat.
I will continue to go into battle for any victim, survivor and overcomer. But it is not only my energy or strength that can help. It is that of God, through His son, Jesus, and through the power of the Holy Spirit that supplies the durability and endurance. He supplies the will. God is my protector. He shields me from the snares of those evil powers. He brings me through depressions and lifts me to stand high on the mountain tops of my well fought life. Nothing I had ever done on my own helped in my recovery battle like that of the Lord. And never ever will I ever find another to trust in like I do Him.
Jesus brings peace daily. How unbelievable it still seems for me to not be filled with such anger. When I finally gave in to God, He gave the war zones in my spirit a sense of security. Daily I let Him fight the crusade. It's easier on the heart, mind, soul and body. Knowing in my know-er that I was too tired to do this on my own, giving into giving up brought peace to the war.
The gift of God's shelter is yours to hide behind. He can be your safeguard. I don't care how much tough skin the years have grown on you. It doesn't matter how cold you allowed your heart to grow. And never will it matter that you might be "found out" with a white flag or surrender to Jesus. Allowing Him to go before you is much easier than to trudge and shove your way into these evil principalities.
If you are one of the many hurting and anger filled victims, I am praying for you. May God be your most useful weapon. May His strength be found in your weakness. God bless you as you lay down the hurt and pick up the "PEACEs."
Lord I need You.