Wednesday, April 24, 2013


 It has been a difficult walk lately. Attacks have bombarded my heart mind soul and body. I have been tired. Unable to write. Unable to feel the smiles. When family WAR is going on, I feel abandoned. Pushed away and smacked down. Has anyone ever felt that way before? I went to bed last night, prayed for. (Thank You)

I woke up to the same garbage being thrown at me. Gosh I feel like a land fill. Although I, myself, am not the trash heap... its the stuff thrown on me and that just stinks. Pressure has caused many headaches, heartaches and disappointment. Good Grief I feel like a mess.

I was supposed to write on Perfect Peace for my blog this week. Peace? And much more..Perfect Peace? Who was I kidding ?

I fussed at God last night. He knows my feelings. He let me pound on His chest with aggrivation. He sees what is happening. He reminds me that all things happen for a reason. It will build character. I just pray it builds an uplifting characteristic in me, not one that holds grudges and bitterness.

This morning a friend called to see how I was. I went to my computer and was checking my email when another friend text me to ask the same. How are you doing today. (Hey , guess what? people actually do care. No one around here seemed to care how sad I was getting in the war zone. After all, I am the "Cape Crusader " with super powers.

Every morning I read The Spirit of Prophecy.
Good morning God. Thank you for letting my heart read words written for me...

Spirit of Faith Bulletin
Faith Tabernacle

April 24, 2013

Come into My peace, says the Lord. Do not allow stress to take you out of spiritual perfection and flow. Be calm and trust Me to perfect those things that concern you. I am with you and will bring you through in great victory. Let your heart erupt in praise and thanksgiving for that which I am doing. I am your shield and your exceedingly great reward. Do not be afraid.

Psalms 27:14 Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord.

So there is it...the answer. Trust Him. He is going to give me victory in this just as he has in the abuse situations. I think I have been forgetting to put on the armor of the Lord. It is time to put HIS shield up and not mine. Mine is weak. His is strong enough to bring victory. It is time I praise Him again.
Thank you all for praying me up when I feel down. Time to put on that Super Hero Cape again. Not mine.. But HIS.

God Bless you all. With much Love... "CCD" (for you insiders who know what that is. )
Have you been feeling the stresses of life? I challenge you to find LIFE in HIM through the stress.
God bless you all,

Lord I Need You

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Peace (Part One) Through a Child's Eyes

 “What is Peace?” Beautiful is the sight of peace through a child's eyes. Read what  the fourth grader's  in my son's class wrote for answers. ( Bible verses were added by me to confirm what thier hearts believe.)

"Peace is when everything is calm."

Mark 4:39 KJV
And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace be still. And the wind ceased and there was a great calm.

"Peace is like peace on earth. If you want silence you can say peace on earth."

Luke 2:14 ESV

“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”           

"Peace is when everything is okay. There's no fighting or bad conflict. Nothing's wrong and there is just peace on earth."
 Romans 12:17 NIV
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.
"Peace is freedom for others."

2 Corinthians 3:17 NIV
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom

Peace means having love and faith to others

Hebrews 1:11

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

"Peace is when nobody is bothering you or being mean. That is what peace is."
Luke 6:27 NIV
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

"Peace is a feeling. It is when everybody was living happily and is having fun with nothing bad or mean or anything like that."

Psalm 37:4 NIV

Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

"To be kind and loving."

I Corninthians 13:4-8 ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away          

"Peace is kind, generous, loving, and nice."

Luke 6:38 ESV

Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.”

"Peace is when you are relaxing, like peace and quiet. It's when you relax and no one's making noise."

Job 6:24 ESV

“Teach me, and I will be silent; make me understand how I have gone astray.

"I think peace is happy and quiet. It is time alone. Peace is when things go smoothly."

Philippians  4:7 ESV

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

"Peace is joy."

Galatians 5:22 ESV
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,


"I think peace is no fighting, no war. Jesus told us about it. It's calm, wonderful, no darkness- ever."


John 16:33 ESV
I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”    

"Peace is built up energy that gives you the boost when you feel like quitting, but don't. Peace is what you feel when you're happy. Peace is the Lord Almighty working in you. Peace is everyone, no matter how deeply buried inside it is. Peace is like hope, just a little better. Peace is what keeps you going.. Peace is the little joy in life. Peace is everything."

Romans 5:3-4 ESV

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.

While the news report show of sufferings, may we find the wish, the dreams and the hopes of these children. God bless you as you listen to children...knowing peace begins with "me."

This is part one of a two part blog entry. In part two I will write on perfect peace and what it means to me. God bless you as you find peace in your day. May you find it through the Love of Jesus.

Thursday, April 11, 2013


 I  visualize myself digging my nails into the shoulders of my mother, "What is wrong with you?". I hear the courts place judgement,"Guilty!". Drive down the streets while smirking with satisfaction of seeing the signs in the front yards saying Registered Sex Offender. I have had thoughts that any sex offender should have certain body parts "decapitated".

 None of these happened to my abusers. None.

I have lived my life with guilty feelings, shame, embarrasment, humiliation and degraded. Why does it seem that they don't have one bit of remorse?  Those parents, the ones who knew what was happening to thier own flesh and blood but did nothing to stop it from occurring. Parents,who were supposed to protect should have been locked up with murderers, they helped murder the souls of thier own children. Why couldn't they be the ones to beg for mercy and forgiveness? Were they proud of thier accomplishments?

They won. I raged that none of those things happened. And now, they are dead. There was no closure. The door of these events were shut in my face. That slamming rang in my heart and blistered my memory. For thirty five years I desired revenge. I had unresolved things that I held on to.

"They died with thier own blood on thier hands". These words were given to me after sharing my thoughts of empty revenge. The same lady reminded me of the Bible verse that said,"Vegeance is Mine" said the Lord.

Romans 12:19 KJV  Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord. .

 BUT...In the depths of my gut there was a desire  to seek justification. Retailiation. I wanted to act for God. I wanted to be God in this area. I wanted to be involved in the act of revenge. There was a need to expose the filth of what they did, who they were, and how they shattered. I didn’t want to forgive. Forgiving my abusers seemed to reduce the significance of the crime and their need for punishment. I could not allow the abusers to be off free of penalty with the sentence of not guilty.

Yet I had to remind myself that it is not over for them. It is in God's hands . I had no control then or now. He is my only answer. God will give them what is due.

1 Corinthians 4:5 NLT So don't make judgments about anyone ahead of time--before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to each one whatever praise is due.

Pondering over the  the verses that were given to me , the Holy Spirit lead me to giving my self- centered unforgiveness over to the Lord. 
Releasing the perpertrators to God, I no longer have to carry the ball and chains that weighed my life down. I deserve to live a life free from the pain of the abuse and to live a life that is no longer “tied” me to the abuser. I chose healing myself over holding onto anger. After many years of imprisonment I became ready to begin the process of forgiveness. I chose to let God go about His business.

Forgiveness has allowed me to move forward . Forgiveness is not condoning others' behavior, it's understanding why it occurred, having compassion for myself and the others, and releasing the grip of blame and hurts. God wouldn't instruct me to forgive if He couldn't give me a way to do it. God continues to listen to my prayers  and provides strength in this area when I need it the most. He can do the same for you.

Are you dealing with unforgiveness ? God is willing  meet you right  where  you are and help bring you to an amazing place of true forgiveness. You can trust Him, He knows what is best for you. Know that He loves you and wants you free from the hurts of your past. You can take what the Lord has done for you and minister it to others in need. Make a difference in peoples lives where you are. Praying that you can make the choice of healing through the first step of forgiveness.

Father Forgive Them

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Not Forgotten

Not Forgotten by Twila Paris
Due to unforseen circumstances, my blog post for this evening will be post-poned. Praying for you. You are not forgotten.

Monday, April 1, 2013


Psalm 139:13-16

New International Version (NIV)

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.



I listened to this song this morning and made me think of how much love God has for each person He made. I still can not understand how anyone could love my babies more that I.

Baby Mine by Allison Krauss
I rededicate this to all my children, MINE, previously written for my oldest daughter, Michelle, for her wedding ceremony.

MINE (by Mary Edwards)
Parents look into their new baby's eyes for the very first time, smelled the skin of  the tiny newborn, counted each finger and toe and knew for the first time.."This is mine"

"It's up to me  to protect you, to make you feel secure, to feed you, to hold you when you cry." The baby doesn't know yet that he trusts you, depends on you but most of all he loves you. Their instinct tells them " they are mine" And that bond grows through the years, through difficult days, skinned knees, first loves, and first break ups. Parents learn to depend on their child too for reassurance that just maybe they did something right. Children  need to hear praise,too, for the task they attempted and succeeded in. They have so much in common, the ones we call " Mine"

  Then comes a day when that all grown up child finds some one else to call "Mine'. But now its more like ..."Mine..all Mine'.  One day they will decide to take what was "theirs" to have and to hold from this day forward. He will protect her with shelter and she will make sure he is fed. He or she can not imagine a love greater than this. Until they,too have the awesome pleasure of looking into the eyes of the infant they will call "Mine ". and the cycle will begin again. blessed. Loved. Treasured and "Mine"

(May God bless you with the love...that once was 'MINE' and share it with each other. I freely give  it to you. I love you... grown up child of mine.)