I was quickly condemned for offering up prayers and hope. After listening to the groans of these damaged and angry victims, I have to admit that I was questioning the validity of God being with me at times I needed Him most. I began to feel unwanted and worthless. Once again I felt disgusting. Oh, I was wanted there, at that sight. Satan wanted me there so I could begin to once again to see myself as low and filthy. His plan was succeeding and depression once again slathered me with worldly doubts This was never ever the intents of the founder of this page. But it certainly was the intent of Satan himself.
It began to sicken me to listen to all the negative people. They were reaching out but they wouldn't allow anything positive to grab hold to. They reached out to keep hold of oppression. I could not only see it but felt it. Conviction.
The Holy Spirit took me by the hand and lead me in a different direction. I started my own private Facebook page for CHRISTIAN Survivors / Over comers of Child Sexual Abuse. There isn't much movement on that page, unlike the other where many comments and cries scream out. This tells me something. When you rely on the Lord, Jesus Christ to comfort you, it is a secure bonding that doesn't fade quickly but instead rest sweetly in your heart and brings comfort rather that corruption.
I feel just as strongly against the abuses as I ever had. My convictions haven't changed. I hurt for the abused children. I wish innocence was never stolen and insecurities could be erased and mended. I believe that pedophiles still need punished, But that is God's job not mine. My job is to go to God, through His son, Jesus, to ask for strength to forgive. It's my privilege and most precious gift as a Christian to have the Holy Spirit to comfort me when I hurt in the memory.
I could have stayed amongst the low hopelessness of non believers who shut out hope. I could have vented by stomping my feet and gnashing my teeth. Do you think that would have gotten me any further on my journey of healing?
By offering the hope of healing through the Love of Jesus, I fed others while the Holy Spirit filled me. How kind and compassionate is Papa God who takes His children into His loving arms and becomes a shelter, a refuge and a safe haven in a world full of self willed man made insecurity.
We all have a choice to make. Live in Love or die in self ? Which would you rather share today?
Proverbs 24:14 NIV Know also that wisdom is like honey for you:
If you find it, there is a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.