Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Racing through the Storms

Why did it take so long for me to come forth and say, "He did this to me. He did it for three years." It happened over and over again. I felt him break my body and my spirit repeatedly. So what was it that made me yell until someone finally heard?  At 14, I walked in on someone who I loved very much. Another helpless soul was being ripped apart.  Thunder rolled inside of me and the fight for rescue hit me like lightening.  I stormed with hate that this was happening. I then felt guilty. Dirty, sad, mad and disgusted. I felt disgusting. I didn't want this boy to feel the same way I had. It was time to put a stop to it all. At least for the two of us.
Why speak up about it again? Why now, after all these years? What was the cause of verbally standing up for others? Many people who I cared about were under the same attack. One little boy in particular, that I love very much, was being victimized. It tore my heart into a million pieces. Flash backs occurred. Anger and hurt surfaced once more. A swirl of emotions exploded. Again I had asked myself, Why did it take so long to say something, to speak up for those being victimized ? And again, the storms of life rolled through my bones.
 I had been sharing with a particular friend about his issues with childhood sexual abuse. We talked about the Lord and how God had never walked away. We gave each other the hope with words of encouragement. We lifted each other in prayer. God placed us in each others pathways so that we would trip into each others hearts. We shared God.
With all the studying, praying and digging deep into God's word, I became like a race horse, galloping through the rain to the finish line. I trotted past the sounds of thunder and pain of the darts of memory that struck like lightening. It took a long time before either of us to be ready to face our pain and reach for healing. Deep healing comes slowly. To acknowledge that reality is a powerful factor in learning to endure. 
 It took a very long time before I felt ready to cross the finish line and turn my name from Victim to Victor. I still have more effort to move forward to the end.  But as Jesus as my trainer, I  will make it through the storm.
Because of a sent message on my facebook today, I  noticed I had forgotten to look behind me to see if that other "rider" was still in the race. He sent me a clip from Cecile Murphy. In those words it said, 
 "I should be healed by now." When I spoke those words, I didn’t understand the per­vasiveness of molestation. I wanted to be completely free from my past abuse and to have the memories wiped away.
Life doesn’t work that way. Healing is a process—and the word process means that the changes don't happen quickly.


Another section of the article said, It took a long time before we were ready to face our pain and reach for healing. Deep healing comes slowly. To acknowledge that reality is a powerful factor in learning to endure.

I got to thinking about that prayer partner God had sent to me. I knew that we were not keeping the same pace.  But we both had the same fight to endure and same goal..to heal. Healing is a process and we all progress at different paces. Needing to slow down enough for others to catch up is a new goal for me. No, I do not want to go backwards nor slow down but I do need to be careful to not leave others behind in the rain.

May my timing be God's. No matter when it is that we reach for Him, He is there for all of us. I pray that we can help each other, through prayer and encouragement, where ever we are in the race. Let us endure through Him.

Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV)

 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary,and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

He will stand by us through the storms.


  1. you inspire me every day to heal from the storms of hurt and abuse.. know you both are not alone and know I love you my angel face and miss you dearly reach out and take my hand and we will weather the storm together, healing has started and now to look up and keep going

    1. I have never let go of your hand sweetie. And God has never let go of you life. Miss you too. Ready, set, GO !!!!! Let's win this thing together. <3 God bless you !!

  2. Amazing blog post, Mary! Love the language you've used and the scripture passage. I'm loving watching you travel through the healing process. I see so much progress. You go, Girl! You are a winner! I hope some of this will appear in our book.

  3. Thank You Cathy. You are one of my best teachers. I think a devotion could come from this. Yes, that and many more. Glad to be a part of the book. Together.. WE WIN !!! Love you Bunches !!!

    1. God will allow you to minister to others as He has ministered to you.

    2. Thank you for taking the time to read and to respond with such a kind message. It is my prayer to do just that... to minister to those who have hurt so that they too can be healed. God Bless.

  4. Wow! Wow! Wow! I was right there with you every step of the way. This is wonderful Mary :)

    1. Thank you Nan. You are such an encourager !!!! Love you.

  5. What a testimony!! God is healing you through your tears and pain. And He will not leave you. From your writing, I know you know this too.

    God, continue to bless your child, your children, as she reaches out to others, helping them in their pain and suffering. Thank You, Lord for Your love. Wrap them in Your arms and keep them safe. And those who prey on them, Lord, bind them away....help them STOP doing what they do...but mostly, heal the ones who've been hurt by these people. We know greater are You, Lord. Draw them into your wings of protection and keep them safe while You are healing their body, soul, and spirit. In Jesus name I pray. A-men

    God bless you!

    1. Thank You Deborah for those beautiful words and prayer. It brought to mind His words...

      Psalm 90:

      3 Surely he will save you
      from the fowler’s snare
      and from the deadly pestilence.
      4 He will cover you with his feathers,
      and under his wings you will find refuge;
      his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
      5 You will not fear the terror of night,
      nor the arrow that flies by day,
      6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
      nor the plague that destroys at midday.
      7 A thousand may fall at your side,
      ten thousand at your right hand,
      but it will not come near you.
      8 You will only observe with your eyes
      and see the punishment of the wicked.

  6. Great Post Mary! May your healing is teaching you to become an overcomer and that is priceless, my friend.

    1. Woo Hoo !!! We can celebrate this together. I love my Encourager's Embracing group. You all are priceless to me. Love you MJ !!!