I Hate the Question. But We Need to Know...

I am going to be honest with you. I don't want to talk about the sexual abuse situations. Don't ask me details. I can tell you that it happened, when it happend, where it happened and who did it. But if you dig any deeper I will probably shut down, shut you off and go into defense mode. I don't want to tell you the dirty little secrets that hide under my bed. I'm the little girl who fears that they will sneak back from under there and attack me again.

My close friend asked me a question just before we went into a restaurant for breakfast. I stumbled and choked up over her words. As I heard the question I tripped right into the memory and wanted to close my ears and scream SHUT UP.  The question wasn't directed about me but about a situation she was trying to solve for herself. That didn't matter. I became the child in my memory and became ashamed of myself. The inquiry invited depression. "Do you think the victim (of  child sexual abuse) "trolls up" victims for the pedophile?"
 
Oh my! I zoned out quickly, placed myself back to those days and as I came back to the present, I shook knowing I may have indeed did just that. Did I gather more children for the attacker? Did I do this knowing that the man would probably hurt them? Did I care about thier safety? What kind of sick human being would do that?  I must have been evil. Sick. Heartless.

No, I was a child who defended and protected myself the only way I knew how. My friend watched me become the insecure little person again. Precious reassurance came with her words. Her intentions were never to take me back to that negative time. I knew that. But, I was still there even hours after we departed for the day.

Satan used that moment in my car to bring me back to the "days without rainbows". 
John 10:10  NIV  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; .....

The devil knows the work that survivors of abuse have to go through to overcome the pain. He knows the short and long term effects of his wicked ways. Satan walks on this earth to kill and destroy. And he was doing that to me. He was stealing my joy of recovery.

 
BUT...There is another part of John 10:10.... I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

With request to God, I climbed out of the pit I fell into and Satan wasn't allowed to keep what he stole. "I went to the enemies camp and I took back what he stole from me."  God wants us to have a full life through Him. He waits for us as He holds the wounded. Waiting to caress and mend the broken in body and mind.

Take a prayerful pause to  meditate, listen and view this song. Both words sung and written with the video can help in the journey with the awesome direction of...  "This is Where the Healing Begins"



There are many short and long term effects of abuse. I am researching for myself, the things which to pray to God about, of hurts that need healing and curses that need broken. If you have the time please read the following information about what effects childhood abuse can take place after the incidence occurs . Pray for God to show you how to heal, how to help and how to answer the questions of your mind and others.

Sexual abuse effects on children and youth can show itself though both emotional, physical and ways. These effects can be just as devastating whether it happened only once or if there were repeated abuses. Each case is different. You cannot compare one occurance to another. Sexual abuse effects on the child or youth are connected to the child/youth's life before, during and after the sexual contact.  Sexual abuse effects continue long after the abuse stops.

Emotional and Physical , Sexual abused and molested children suffer many symptoms, including:

Lack of self-esteem and finding value is them selves (self worth)

issues with trust                                                               

abnormal growth and development

problems with intimacy                                                  

 control over his/her body

normal loving and nurturing                                

not able to find a sense of feeling safe and secure

learning problems                                                            

clinging

psychosomatic complaints such as stomachaches and headaches

a young child knows more than they should about sexual activity; child may exhibit seductive behavior

aggression and bullying behaviors                            

 sudden changes in eating and/or sleeping habits

depression and anxiety

refusal to change clothes in front of others

isolation

obsessively good behavior

obsessed with cleanliness

relationship problems

anti-social behavior

unwillingness to participate in social activities

running away

truancy / long absence from school

long absence from participation in extracurricular activities

dissociation--a child's existence is dependent on his/her ability to separate from the pain, which, in the most repulsive cases, may result in multiple personalities

risky behaviors such as stealing and other delinquencies

animal cruelty

alcohol and drug abuse

dysfunctional relationships

avoiding confrontation

self-harm, including cutting and burning

paranoid behavior

promiscuous behavior

compulsive and aggressive sexual behavior

self-destructive sexual behavior and prostitution

in adulthood, sexual dysfunction--avoidance of or phobic reactions to sexual intimacy

becomes the abuser

attempted and completed suicide


"Remember how Jesus often asked hurting people what they wanted from Him. He knew they were hurting – like He knows you are hurting – but only an abuser would force himself on others against their will. The good and gracious Lord is the exact opposite. He longs to heal but moved by the deep respect He has for you, He waits until he is invited. The God of Truth needs you to acknowledge the truth of your pain and to trust him to touch that ever so tender part of you with his healing hands. We are usually afraid to acknowledge the extent of our hurt because it seems bottomless. Some of us think if we start crying, we will never stop. Others of us fear that our rage will be uncontrollable if we admit to ourselves the guilt of others. Some us of mistakenly suppose that God will be angry with us. But when at last we muster the courage to face the reality of our suffering and invite the tender God of Truth into that hidden part of us, we find that any pain that results is fleeting and the peace is endless. It is then that we regret all the years wasted avoiding healing."

 

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