I am going to be honest with you. I don't want to talk about the sexual abuse situations. Don't ask me details. I can tell you that it happened, when it happend, where it happened and who did it. But if you dig any deeper I will probably shut down, shut you off and go into defense mode. I don't want to tell you the dirty little secrets that hide under my bed. I'm the little girl who fears that they will sneak back from under there and attack me again.
My close friend asked me a question just before we went into a restaurant for breakfast. I stumbled and choked up over her words. As I heard the question I tripped right into the memory and wanted to close my ears and scream SHUT UP. The question wasn't directed about me but about a situation she was trying to solve for herself. That didn't matter. I became the child in my memory and became ashamed of myself. The inquiry invited depression. "Do you think the victim (of child sexual abuse) "trolls up" victims for the pedophile?"
Oh my! I zoned out quickly, placed myself back to those days and as I came back to the present, I shook knowing I may have indeed did just that. Did I gather more children for the attacker? Did I do this knowing that the man would probably hurt them? Did I care about thier safety? What kind of sick human being would do that? I must have been evil. Sick. Heartless.
No, I was a child who defended and protected myself the only way I knew how. My friend watched me become the insecure little person again. Precious reassurance came with her words. Her intentions were never to take me back to that negative time. I knew that. But, I was still there even hours after we departed for the day.
Satan used that moment in my car to bring me back to the "days without rainbows".
John 10:10 NIV The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; .....
The devil knows the work that survivors of abuse have to go through to overcome the pain. He knows the short and long term effects of his wicked ways. Satan walks on this earth to kill and destroy. And he was doing that to me. He was stealing my joy of recovery.
BUT...There is another part of John 10:10.... I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
With request to God, I climbed out of the pit I fell into and Satan wasn't allowed to keep what he stole. "I went to the enemies camp and I took back what he stole from me." God wants us to have a full life through Him. He waits for us as He holds the wounded. Waiting to caress and mend the broken in body and mind.
Take a prayerful pause to meditate, listen and view this song. Both words sung and written with the video can help in the journey with the awesome direction of... "This is Where the Healing Begins"
There are many short and long term effects of abuse. I am researching for myself, the things which to pray to God about, of hurts that need healing and curses that need broken. If you have the time please read the following information about what effects childhood abuse can take place after the incidence occurs . Pray for God to show you how to heal, how to help and how to answer the questions of your mind and others.