Wednesday, February 20, 2013

I Hate the Question. But We Need to Know...

I am going to be honest with you. I don't want to talk about the sexual abuse situations. Don't ask me details. I can tell you that it happened, when it happend, where it happened and who did it. But if you dig any deeper I will probably shut down, shut you off and go into defense mode. I don't want to tell you the dirty little secrets that hide under my bed. I'm the little girl who fears that they will sneak back from under there and attack me again.

My close friend asked me a question just before we went into a restaurant for breakfast. I stumbled and choked up over her words. As I heard the question I tripped right into the memory and wanted to close my ears and scream SHUT UP.  The question wasn't directed about me but about a situation she was trying to solve for herself. That didn't matter. I became the child in my memory and became ashamed of myself. The inquiry invited depression. "Do you think the victim (of  child sexual abuse) "trolls up" victims for the pedophile?"
Oh my! I zoned out quickly, placed myself back to those days and as I came back to the present, I shook knowing I may have indeed did just that. Did I gather more children for the attacker? Did I do this knowing that the man would probably hurt them? Did I care about thier safety? What kind of sick human being would do that?  I must have been evil. Sick. Heartless.

No, I was a child who defended and protected myself the only way I knew how. My friend watched me become the insecure little person again. Precious reassurance came with her words. Her intentions were never to take me back to that negative time. I knew that. But, I was still there even hours after we departed for the day.

Satan used that moment in my car to bring me back to the "days without rainbows". 
John 10:10  NIV  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; .....

The devil knows the work that survivors of abuse have to go through to overcome the pain. He knows the short and long term effects of his wicked ways. Satan walks on this earth to kill and destroy. And he was doing that to me. He was stealing my joy of recovery.

BUT...There is another part of John 10:10.... I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

With request to God, I climbed out of the pit I fell into and Satan wasn't allowed to keep what he stole. "I went to the enemies camp and I took back what he stole from me."  God wants us to have a full life through Him. He waits for us as He holds the wounded. Waiting to caress and mend the broken in body and mind.

Take a prayerful pause to  meditate, listen and view this song. Both words sung and written with the video can help in the journey with the awesome direction of...  "This is Where the Healing Begins"

There are many short and long term effects of abuse. I am researching for myself, the things which to pray to God about, of hurts that need healing and curses that need broken. If you have the time please read the following information about what effects childhood abuse can take place after the incidence occurs . Pray for God to show you how to heal, how to help and how to answer the questions of your mind and others.



  1. Your strength never ceases to amaze me. I know it's painful to share, but it is therapy for you and also it just might be a life saver for someone. Keep it up, Love.

    1. Gina, as I share the pain fades at the feet of Jesus. I could't do anything without the strength of Jesus and prayers of many. Please share this with anyone who may need it. Post it on your facebook page. Pass the Lifesaver to all. Love you girl.

  2. Mary, I love, LOVE your transparency. THAT,my dear, is what is going to touch hearts and open them to receive their healing. Thank you for being a willing vessel for the Lord. Love you!

    1. Nan, the transparence I desire is to make it clear the God loves us through the pain.AND he smiles through each step of healing.

  3. Mary, I agree with Nan. Your transparent writing carries more power.
    We have often heard that God will never allow us to carry more than we can bear. What we sometimes forget is He did not intend for us to bear it alone.
    Praying for peace and blessings for you.

    1. Thank You Sally. That is something I am learning and trusting in ..that God has been with us all the time. He never leaves us alone. Thank you for the prayers.

  4. As I have always wondered how sexual abuse can affect a person's sexual relationships later in life, what do you mean by

    promiscuous behavior

    compulsive and aggressive sexual behavior

    self-destructive sexual behavior and prostitution

  5. Thank You "Anonymous" for in-boxing a private message to me.I will answer you there for a longer reply. For others who would like to or need to know these answers I will give you a shortened answer here. If you desire more, please let me know and I will address these in further length.

    Promiscuous sexual behaviour is the practice of having casual sex with many sexual partners. This behaviour is usually considered risky as it is responsible for the transmission of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) within the society.

    Compulsive sexual behavior — sometimes called hypersexuality, hypersexual disorder, nymphomania or sexual addiction — is an obsession with sexual thoughts, feelings or behaviors that affects your health, job, relationships or other parts of your life.

    Compulsive sexual behavior may involve a normally enjoyable sexual experience that becomes an obsession. Or compulsive sexual behavior may involve fantasies or activities outside the bounds of culturally, legally or morally accepted sexual behavior.

    The symptoms and signs of aggressive behavior are often associated with:
    Anger and hostility
    Temper flares that involve screaming, shouting or using obscene gestures
    Violent behavior
    Intimidating body language used to bully or dominate someone

    Self Destructive Behaviour
    Any intentional behaviour that has clear, definite or probable negative effects on the self
    Examples Smoking, drinking, gambling, sexual promiscuity

    Childhood sexual causes such behaviours as: Disturbances in sexual interest; Difficulties during sexual contact; Dysfunctions of desire, arousal or orgasm; Seductive behaviors, compulsive activity and prostitution; Precocious ( more knowledge and maturity for age) sexual behavior Confusion of sexuality and nurturing behavior; Sexually transmitted diseases; Unintended pregnancy; Eating disorders; Excessive weight gain; Depression; Anxiety; Self-destructive behavior; Alcoholism; Drug abuse; Panic attacks; Insomnia and sleep problems; Relationship problems; Revictimization; Suicide; Self-mutilation; Increased risk for sexually transmitted disease; Identity disturbances; and Involvement in physically abusive relationships as adults.

    Please leave email message at if you would like more information on this subject. I will do my best to answer properly. God bless you.