Wednesday, January 21, 2015

I Washed My Hands in Dirty Water

Wet grass and dirt stuck to my shoes as I walked the dogs after the rain. I picked up a muddy rock and threw it with all the energy I had into the woods. Frustration had filled my bones. Why again does someone have to judge another? Why do I have to repeatedly hear the garbage and  the fued that travels back and forth between two of my family members? Family Fued. It's isn't a game show. No one wins.

Grrrr, I get so mad. I want to stick my fingers in my ears, stomp my feet and sing like a pouty child,  "I CAN'T HEAR YOU... BLAH... BLAH... BLAH !!!!

Billy Graham, "Anger breeds remorse in the heart, discord in the home and bitterness in the community."

Oh goodness how I was sick and tired of hearing the same garbage over and over and over again. "He said this" She's doing that!" Grrrr. I am not the middle man. That is not my job. Don't put me under these stresses. Can't you let go and let God be about his business?

Wait. I have said those exact words before. Let God be about His business. I think I have washed my hands in dirty water. 

Criswell Freeman, "If your temper gets the best of you ...then others see the worst in you."

God has heard my temper tantrum cries. He has heard me plea to him about fixing situations that I can not fix on my own. I have laid it at His feet, these things over and over and over again. Yet, my shoulders ache with tension because I still can not see the results that I expected, how I expected, when I expected. Did God not hear me the first time? Or was it that I did not trust in Him enough to do His business?

Today I feel like I stubbed my toe on that rock I threw and pain signals rings from the bottom of me to the very top of my head. Or maybe the muddy hands that threw the rock..aimed and threw the rock straight into this thick head of mine.

1 Pet 1:6-7 (Phi) This means tremendous joy to you, even though at present you may be temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials. This is no accident--it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold, and gold, as you know, even though it is ultimately perishable, must be purified by fire.

I was, more than once, told that I get to choose my battles. I get to decide what gets to me and what does not. Thinking on the family stress situation, I can choose to let God "throw the rocks" or take them in my own hands. Around her sometimes the rocks aren't rocks but boulders. I don't have the strength to pick them up. But I do have the choice to.

Today, I will let God be about His business and fix the things I can not fix and count it joy that I can release myself from the trials. 



  1. Yep. Hear that.
    Lifting you, sweet sister.

    1. I hope more hear. Listening to what I wrote disturbed me. I almost retracted it back to draft. But I know I wrote it for a reason. Thanks for the uplifting. Love you.

  2. I once asked the question, "What happens when the peacemaker of the family quits making peace?" It hasn't been pretty but I have given up on trying to make peace is situations where only God can do it. I hope just writing this has been healing for you. Love you!