Sentence Reduced. He Took Back the Power

"Statutory Rape"  was written on the records from Tidewater Rape Information Services (T.R.I.S.) and it corrupted the abused children's reputation. " A juvenile matter" was written on the court summons. It lowered the severity of the case. The accusation was now reduced and the focus placed guilt on the victims and minimized the sentence of the man who molested. Justice wasn't served and instead of jail time or imprisonment, my abuser "walked" and I was the one sent away feeling misunderstood and trashy... taken out like discarded waste. Power was given back over to the abuser. My little brother and I were just another trophy owned by a sick a man who mutilated little bodies and the self esteem of an extreme amount of many ( many many many!) defenseless children.



That was 35 years ago and I still get disgusted at the thought. Tears don't  always roll down my cheek, but I can feel the heat of anger color my face like embers of a stirred smoldering fire. I often pick up the phone to call my childhood social worker for affirmation that I was strong in those days. I talk to gain the power back from the man who still seems to steal it from me.  Even after words from her, I still can feel empty, which leads me to where I should have gone in the first place... to pray.

While I dwell on the abuser and his power that he removed from my life, I also know that I was never as weak as I thought I was. I did stand up for the children who should have never been hurt. And I do it now,  even stronger than ever. This once weak child has been given strength through God Himself and the Holy Spirit because of Jesus Christ. And I stand with determination in the face of the accuser, Satan, and strip him of forces through Jesus Christ.

Philippians 4:13 NIV: I can do all things through Him which gives me strength.

It's not My power. It is my Father's.

And I wouldn't be messing with my Father, God. His word clearly states that there will be punishment for wrong doings to His children. Matthew 18:6 "If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

God is our greatest vindicator, and He wants to make all our wrongs right!   He will take care of every injustice. All we need to do is keep our focus on Him and let Him go to work. He’ll not just settle our case; He’ll do more than we can ask or imagine!


God took back the power and handed it to us through the blood of His own Son, so that we have the strength to face all trials. Whether or not  we see  abusers "hang" or not  does not mean they will get leave the witness stand free. The blood and final verdict is in God's hands. Let God take the gavel. Take back the power by giving it to Him.

 Oh Dear God,
   I often have to be reminded that You, Father, have power to deal with this warfare so I don't have to. Help me to keep Your promises fresh in my mind so that I can keep healing through You. Lord, I pray for favor for those who put their trust in You and I praise you for the Power of Your love. Thank You for Your Son, Jesus, who took the stand for me so the judgement sentence has not only been reduced but removed. Guilt removed because You took back the power.
I pray these things through the precious name of Jesus,
Amen

 

I invite you to listen to the reassuring song of the

Power of Your Love, With Lyrics, By Hill Song



 

   
     

Tripping Over My Bottom Lip

Whether rejected by someone not sitting with you or maybe something such as being ignored, the pain of being avoided hurts. We can either look at it as what it is, which could be nothing of your own fault, or we can see it for what Satan wants us to see it as...as to being an attack to us personally. How do you handle it?

 

Me? I have a hard time with feeling inadequate. A simple gesture of someone moving over to another table when there was plenty of room at mine sent me quickly into a self centered low and a bit depressed. I had to sit and quickly pray. I literally prayed that God would set my mind back into focus and I had to remember that most people's issues are not my own. I refused to permanently grab hold of the down feelings of being rejected. And really, I wasn't rejected as I thought tonight. It just felt like that was happening. Satan wanted me to feel bad about myself and build anger.

The Holy Spirit listened to my prayer and comforted the ache that kicked me in my heart. “Think with your head not with your heart. Trust me with this.” God placed a God sized bandage on the little boo boo of unnecessary pride.

How often this happens to people when we put assumptions in front of fact and listen to Satan instead of God. When your heart breaks in times as this, who has control over fixing the cracks?

Heavenly Father, Thank you for showing me that I am not always seeing the full picture. Lord, thank you for showing me that what I see and what I feel isn't always what is happening. Keep my eyes open and my pride shut down. Thank You God for sending the Holy Spirit to ease the pains that every day life can throw at me. Please help me when I trip over my bottom lip that I  only fall straight into Your compassionate care.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Jonah: A Lesson for the Children ( Part One)

Jonah ran away from God's instructions to go to Nineveh and tell the people to turn from their evil ways. Jonah knew that if he did as God told him, that the people would, in the long run, be blessed. He didn't see how those evil people could ever deserve God's blessings so Jonah ran toward Tarshish. He refused to do what God wanted him to do. Why should he give those people a break? Why do they deserve mercy? They didn't do what God wanted. To Jonah, these people were far from deserving mercy. Jonah took actions into his own hands and fled just to spite the people that God actually loved.
   He ran away and did what he wanted to. Jonah boarded a ship and caused a mighty storm to happen. Waves crashed, strong winds blew and life was hard on the runaway trip. When the people on the ship realized that it was Jonah who was causing the "storm curse" they threw him over board and a large fish swallowed him in one piece.
 
Picture Jonah in the pit of the "whale's" stomach. Guts. Disgusting. Slime of lives bombarding his every move. Jonah had to be feeling his lowest. How did he survive in that mess? How could he get out of that horrible situation? Jonah cried out God and God released him of his misery. The gigantic fish threw him up and Jonah was once again in a situation where he had to decide, "Obey God or not?"

  Although Jonah knew the people who disrespected God would benefit from his decision, Jonah went to Nineveh and told the people to turn from their wicked ways and turn to the Lord. Jonah wasn't happy about having to listen to God but he obeyed anyway.
What would you do if you were him?

I have been angry at many people in my life time. I get jealous that God still loves them in spite of the evil things they have done to me and to other children. It's very hard for me to know that God loves them just as much as He would others. He does.God really loves each of us.

Is it easy for me to love everyone the way God does? No. If God came up to me and said forgive those people who hurt me, could I do it? It wouldn't always be easy but I could through Jesus who could help teach me to do so. What if God tells me to share about His love so that they would know Him and find their way to Heaven. Would I be able to do that, even if I thought they were bad and deserved to go to Hell and live with the devil forever?  Yes, it is possible.

 Would I run away and not listen to God just as Jonah did? I guess I have done just that. There has been times in my life that I am jealous of God's love. I have crossed my arms across my chest, stick my nose up in the air and stomped as I turned away from God's instructions. I guess you could say those times where my Jonah times. Those were days when I "got in my boat and traveled off to Tarshish instead of listening and telling the bad people to turn from their wicked ways." Yes, I have taken a detour from God's way.

When I did things my way, I got whales sized nudges until I found myself praying and asking God to forgive me and help me to love those other people. After all, have I always been perfect and lovable?  No. What if someone didn't show me that God wanted me to turn from wrong things? If no one cared enough to share the love of Jesus, where would I be today? Where would I spend my forever days after I die? Would I know what love was?

Next time God tells you to love someone, even when it seems totally impossible, you can do it. You can love the unlovable people. When you find it isn't easy, ask God to see the people like He does. Just like He sees you.

We all have Jonah days. Those are the day's when you need to ask God to be the captain of your boat. Which direction will go on those days?

Dear God, when I can't find enough love in my heart to love someone else, will You please help me to do it? Help me to obey You, even when it's hard to do.Thank You for loving each of us and showing us how to love each other.
In Jesus Name,
Amen





   

SIGNS of Child Sexual Abuse ( Reposted per Request )

Reposting upon request.

SIGNS of Child Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of sexual behaviors that take place between a child and a person older than them. These behaviors are meant to arouse the older person in a sexual way. There is usually no thought given given to what effect the behavior may have on the child. Sadly, the abuser does not care about the reactions or choices of the child.

Child sexual abuse often involves body contact such as sexual kissing, touching, and oral, anal, or vaginal sex. However, not all sexual abuse involves body contact. Showing private parts ("flashing"), forcing children to watch pornography, verbal pressure for sex, and exploiting children as prostitutes or for pornography can be sexual abuse as well.

What are signs that a child has been sexually abused? Are there clear signs? The following may be some things that could alert you to this abuse but are not limited to all. Even one of these listed could be enough to do further investigation.

* Separation anxiety. All children will have some form of separation anxiety, but pay closer attention to severe temper tantrums toward a particular person. This is especially true for a toddler who is not able to speak yet.

*Avoids or tries to avoid being with you significant other

* the child is not happy as they once were: cries often, depressed

* regressive behavior : bed-wetting or soiling clothes

*extremely emotional for no apparent reason

*fearful

*drop in grades, trouble in school

* Eating habits may change: unexpected weight gain or lose suddenly.

*complains of headaches, stomachaches or other pain but can find no medical reason for it

*Nightmares or fears of being alone in the dark

*Suddenly afraid to remove clothes at bath time or feels the need to go to bed fully clothed

*loses interested in hobbies or sports

*does not want to be hugged or kissed

*becomes rebellious and angry

*child becomes clingy and /or doesn't want you out of their sight

*shows inappropriate sexual behavior ( Does the child show certain sexual characteristics, language or actions that he or she shouldn't know? )

*Sudden lack of communication with you

*Stay to themselves more and see less of their friends

*unexplained accumulation of gifts or money

*self destructive behavior such as self mutilation , drug dependency, suicidal

*bruising or bleeding in the genital area

*bruising to breast buttocks, lower abdomen or thighs

It's important to recognize that sexual abuse doesn't always involve body contact. Exposing a child to sexual situations or material is sexually abusive, whether or not touching is involved.

It is frightening to know that sexual abuse usually occurs by someone the child knows and should be able to trust—most often close relatives.

Statistics show that one in every four girls and one in every six boys have been or will be sexually abused.

The earlier child abuse is caught, the better the chance of recovery and appropriate treatment for the child. Child abuse is not always obvious. By learning some of the common warning signs of child abuse and neglect, you can catch the problem as early as possible and get both the child and the abuser the help that they need.The earlier child abuse is caught, the better the chance of recovery and appropriate treatment for the child. Keep in mind that child abuse is not always obvious.

Heavenly Father,

I come to you with a heart felt cry that no parent or adult would have to research the previous information because of fear that their child may have been touched or exposed to any unacceptable behavior such as sexual child abuse. Praying for education, prevention and care for each child you created. I pray for parental and adult guidance with wisdom and discernment.

I am bringing to you the troubles I too have faced, knowing that You, Lord, will turn what Satan gave as evil back into good, I can give back in empathy in overcoming the pains through Your unconditional love. I am forever grateful for Your healing hand and compassion.

In Jesus Name, Amen

Abuse

The trauma of abuse is never fully gone from a person's consciousness. Its filthy stain leaves its residue on the soul forever. However, like all bad experiences, it is possible to turn this experience into good by developing compassion and empathy for others who have been through this experience. Many people feel that bringing meaning to a traumatic experience is a path to healing. When I turn a negative experience into a tool that brings meaning into my life and others, I am taking the best kind of revenge on my abuser.


Abuse By Family Friend Poems / CC BY 3.0

Social Media, Heaven or Hell Bound ?

I went to a child abuse chat on Twitter expecting to be an encourager as a survivor and was then lead to a private face book survivors group and found myself in social media hell. I don't mean to be disrespectful to the group but a bunch of people supporting negativity isn't my idea of being supportive at all. For me, it supported my nightmares and anger. Sadness poured and regrets boiled back inside of me. The people on that site refused to allow God to be near the pages. Satan had me drawn and it glued me there like a rat on a sticky glue trap waiting to die.

I was quickly condemned  for offering up prayers and hope. After listening to the groans of these damaged and angry victims,  I have to admit that I was questioning the validity of God being with me at times I needed Him most. I began to feel unwanted and worthless. Once again I felt disgusting. Oh, I was wanted there, at that sight. Satan wanted me there so I could begin to once again to see myself as low and filthy. His plan was succeeding and depression once again slathered me with worldly doubts This was never ever the intents of the founder of this page. But it certainly was the intent of Satan himself.

It began to sicken me to listen to all the negative people. They were reaching out but they wouldn't allow anything positive to grab hold to. They reached out to keep hold of oppression. I could not only see it but felt it. Conviction.

 The Holy Spirit took me by the hand and lead me in a different direction. I started my own private Facebook page for CHRISTIAN Survivors / Over comers of Child Sexual Abuse. There isn't much movement on that page, unlike the other where many  comments and cries scream out. This tells me something. When you rely on the Lord, Jesus Christ to comfort you, it is a secure bonding that doesn't fade quickly but instead rest sweetly in your heart and brings comfort rather that corruption.

I feel just as strongly against the abuses as I ever had. My convictions haven't changed. I hurt for the abused children. I wish innocence was never stolen and insecurities could be erased and mended. I believe that pedophiles still need punished, But that is God's job not mine. My job is to go to God, through His son, Jesus, to ask for strength to forgive. It's my privilege and most precious gift as a Christian to have the Holy Spirit to comfort me when I hurt in the memory.

I could have stayed amongst the low hopelessness of non believers who shut out hope. I could have vented by stomping my feet and gnashing my teeth. Do you think that would have gotten me any further on my journey of healing? 

By offering the hope of healing through the Love of Jesus, I fed others while the Holy Spirit filled me. How kind and compassionate is Papa God who takes His children into His loving arms and becomes a shelter, a refuge and a safe haven in a world full of self willed man made insecurity.

 We all have a choice to make. Live in Love or die in self ? Which would you rather share today?

Proverbs 24:14 NIV Know also that wisdom is like honey for you:
If you find it, there is a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.

 

No Blame No Shame ( REPOSTED )

No Blame No Shame

      Just needing to  share.....

No Blame, No Shame

As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we often grow up blaming ourselves for the abuse that happened. As children, we are bought up to know that "adults know best" - and so when someone tells you often enough that it's your fault, eventually you believe it. I was to blame.

I believed that the reason I was hurt so badly by people I cared about was simply because that’s what I deserved. I deserved it because of who I was as a person. I was bad. It wasn't so much what I did that made me "bad" - but more just something that I was....something that was in me in spite of how well I tried to behave or how good I tried to be. Nothing I did to be "better" made anything better or made people treat me better - and so, understandably, I concluded that I was treated badly simply because of who and what I was. If you have felt this, please know that it was an affect of the abuse you experienced, not a statement of truth.

As I grew into an adult, I kept believing that the abuse was my fault. I did something to deserve it. Accepting that we do not have control over everything in our lives and everything that happens to us is a necessary part of healing.

I tried to seek many ways in which I could blame myself..

It was my fault because if I'd been a better maybe “so and so" would have loved me more and not hurt me.

A parent(s) should love and care for you regardless of how you behave or what you do. Their love for you should be unconditional. No matter what you did wrong, or what you think you did wrong, you did not deserve to be abused.
Abuse from a parent does not happen because of some failure or inadequacy on the child's part. It happens because of some failing within the parent.

It's my fault because I didn't tell anyone.

All children who do not tell about their abuse have very good reasons for keeping silent. For example:
Your abuser may have threatened you.
You may have been scared that no one would believe you.
You didn't know how to tell or what words to use.
You were frightened that you may be punished.
You were very confused about what was happening.
You didn't know what was happening was abuse.
……and many many more reasons.

Looking back as an adult at the reasons you had for not telling, you may think these reasons as not good enough. Adult survivors of child sexual abuse may say to themselves, "I was so stupid to believe that threat". But try to understand that the way you see things now is going to be completely different to how you saw things as a frightened abused child. The fears you had about telling would have been very very real back then, and you shouldn't dismiss what a powerful silencer fear and uncertainty can be.

It’s my fault because I let the abuse go on for so long.

You didn't "let" the abuser keep abusing. You were overwhelmed and powerless to stop the abuser.

It's my fault because I liked it happening because it felt good.

Regardless of how it felt to you, what happened was still abuse.

When children are touched sexually, conditioned responses are automatic and natural to the body and they happen whether you want them to or not.

It's my fault because I wanted that special time.

It may have been that this was the only time that you felt wanted, needed or special. Abusers can be very good at making children feel like the abuse happens because they love you so much.
Regardless, the abuse was still 100% wrong. The abuser abused his knowledge of your emotional needs and wants, and used that to get what he wanted.

It's my fault because my abuser said it was my fault.

Most abusers are very fearful of what will happen they are made public. They may fear what their families and friends will say to them; they may fear prison,of losing their jobs. And so, they are going to try to make sure that the child doesn't say anything to anyone. ONE way of doing this is to tell the child that it's their fault that the abuse is happening. Telling the child it is their fault, is a way for the abuser to control the situation by making the child afraid that they will be blamed and get into trouble if they report it to anybody.

It's my fault because I didn't fight hard enough.

Children do not have the physical strength or theability to think adults. Often there will be threats hanging over the child's head if they don't do as they are told - and so they may feel totally unable to fight on any level.

Children do what they can to survive an attack and submission is not desire, it is survival.

It's my fault because I didn't say NO!

Many child survivors feel that they are partly to blame for the abuse because they didn't say "NO!” There are many reasons why you might not have said no:

You were confused.
You didn't know you were allowed to say no.
You didn't want to say no.
You were too frightened to say no.

Children cannot consent to a sexual relationship because they are below the age of consent. It is not the responsibility of a child to say "no" to sex.

It's my fault because I thought I wanted it or said I wanted it.

All children, especially as they reach their teenage years, start thinking about their sexuality and become interested in exploring sex. This is perfectly normal, and even necessary for healthy sexual and social development. Children and teens who are reaching this age may become attracted to people who are older than them, and may even desire or seek to engage in intimate relationship with them.

A responsible adult understands that children who are under the age of legal consent are not mentally, psychologically or physically ready for sexua linteraction, and therefore they should not engage with a teen in this way. Therefore, even if you initiated, wanted or "consented" to sexual contact with an older person it was still abuse and it was not your fault.

It must be my fault because I was abused by different people.

Some children are abused by more than one person in different times of abuse. If you have been the victim of multiple abuses you may feel that you must be to blame because you keep getting chosen to be abused – and in fact some survivors talk about feeling they have a label on their head saying "hurt me".

Child abusers may target children who are more vulnerable. Child survivors may find it difficult to tell the difference between good touch and bad touches.

It's my fault that I didn't protect my siblings.

Some children feel guilty that they weren't able to protect their brothers / sisters from the abuse – and believe they are partly to blame for this abuse. You cannot be held responsible for anything your abuser did to you or to anyone else. Your abuser is the only one that can take responsibility for what they've done.

It is important to learn that the abuser had control and is to blame...not you. You were a child and should have been treated and respected as one.

 I am praying for education before this healing needs to occur.

 Please Lord, let the abused child in each of us, keep the knowledge that we are innocent. Thank You Heavenly Father, for never letting us be alone. I praise you for the healing and for seeing us through your eyes.

 Mark 5:34 He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." (NIV)

Are you a victim of child abuse? Is your past haunting you with blame? Give it to God. Ask Him to let you see what He sees in you. I am praying that you too can begin to see the real you.

 

Blog Splatterings, Too Down to Lift You Up

As if I dipped my quill in an ink well and carelessly dripped black splotches all over my paper, I couldn't see what the words of my life were saying? HUH? Exactly. Lately the things I have been wanting to write were like blog-splatterings. Smudges, smears and unclear, my thoughts were covered with imperfections. How could I share uplifting words of encouragement when I couldn't even encourage myself? What kind of blogger would I be if all I could share was negativity? I wasn't going to draw a life picture with words that would only bring my readers down. I just couldn't do it. So I just didn't.
 
 I have a few friends who share with me stories of ugly situations they went through. Some remain stuck and wedged in a life time of childhood abuses and can't move forward. I am saddened for them.
  After one of my share sessions I began to recall some things that I wish were never brought to my mind. It was a memory that disturbed my heart and Satan was fighting his best to bring it to my thoughts as often as he could. Only this time, I ( thought I  ) was at fault in a situation. And it hurt. Knowing that the pedophile used me to lure in and even get into the act of using another child is gut- wretching. I was a child, she was a child and we were both being attacked by the molester. A sick mans game brought us into what seemed like a truth or dare child's game. But there was no truth to it and I should not have dared to participate. Verbal commands mirrored two young girls at his demand. I recently was traumatized by Satan's lies calling myself the molester. Sadness consumed me. Satan laughed as he lied and Jesus cried the tears that rolled down my cheeks.
  
The months of holidays came and went. I felt so alone. I dared not share this with anyone. After all, who would want to hear this crud during a season that is supposed to be one of celebration and joy. My therapist had her own situations and didn't need to hear mine. My new friend was in her "triggering" season and couldn't see past her haunting memories  to see that I had any of my own.  Meanwhile, other "victims" I was sharing with weren't quite yet overcoming...so I kept my junk ( mostly) to myself.
 
I kept it to myself. That, my dears, was the problem. Instead of giving it to God and asking the Holy Spirit to help me through it, I kept the lies and disgrace and claimed it as my own.  What would have happen if I had first shared with the Lord what He already knew was on my heart? Oh the freedom that would have been given . The healing once more could have begun. God was there when these things happened. Wasn't He waiting for me to come to Him when this situation would come from the depths of me? Nothing surprises God. He is prepared to lift me up, dust me off, wipe my tears and gently kiss away the fears with His Love.
  
 Listen, It's this simple. I didn't write because I couldn't. I didn't want other to feel the low I was feeling or to share in the grief that I hugged so tightly to. Making others sink into depression with me, well, I am not here to blog such an attitude.  But what I am here to  do is to witness to others about is that we have a great big awesome God who loves us far beyond our imaginations. We able to pray to God and tell Him all our needs. He wants us to be completely honest about the way we are feeling, and ask Him to guide us in finding the help we need.

Does it seem as if you just can't be comforted or relieved from your problems of the past or in the present? If so, pray. Perhaps God will place a person or someone else to guide you to a pastor or godly counselor that can help.

 I will not have perfect days. Smudges will come and smear my mind with errors. Let me encourage you to trust in the Lord God to bring you through the toughest of days. I will have them. You will have them. And both of us can give them to Him and get back on track.

I apologize to my readers, my friends, my family for not being real with you." I want to be real", in the words of a great friend. So there it is, laid before you and laid at the cross. Claim and own the grace, the mercy and the power, through the Holy Spirit to get through the "splatterings". In Jesus Name.

 

If you are visiting this via email please visit my blog page, www.writeblessings.blogspot.com to listen to the song placed in my heart just for this blog entry, I turn to You Jesus.

Blessings, Mary