Be The Miracle

    I came in the door only to hear the news announcer talk of things that bother my heart, mind and soul. One man charged with child sexual abuse. Another caught in child and women prostitution in human trafficking. It sickens me. Although I will never ever have the mind of an abuser, I still try to figure them out. Only, this mind can’t wrap itself around the idea of these abuses. Some may call it a stronghold. I call it sick. I’m sure it is a mental illness. I wonder if any pimp or pedophile will ever be able to walk away from these stongholds and obsession. I don’t know. I DO KNOW that anything is possible through God. But for me, I can only see the impossible. In my strength I would want to decapitate these violators. Death penalty isn’t even good enough. But I am not God. I can’t perform the miracle.  I can’t do anything to punish any of them.  And it’s not my job to do so anyway.

    Just before I came in the door I heard a song on the radio. Be One. Be what? Be the miracle. Be the change. Be the hope. It’s time to get our hands dirty. Be the actions of change. I can’t change the person who does the evil. Neither can you. But we can get involved in the prevention. In the education. In healing. In hope.

Is there something on your heart that you know you cannot do alone? Do you have the desire to make changes in a world of corruption? What about in your family? What about in yourself? Is it time to let God help you be part a miracle? Be one through Him.

   Father, I know my mouth has been quiet lately. I could make up all the excuses but you know my reasons. We all have answers to why we step back and let others take over. I am sorry for the delay in the work You have called me to do. Please help me to have the strength to fight against these evils. Thank You for supplying the rest I have needed through the pauses. But now, Father, I am ready to put on the shield and work again.

   I pray, Lord, for those who also seek to be part of the solution of whatever task you set before them. Let us all find the desire to work miracles through Your Holy Spirit and Your awesome power. If the miracle is in giving hope to those who can’t heal, let each of us reach out our hands, hearts and prayers to touch. For those who need the miracle, may we be one.

In Jesus Name, Amen

Polygraph Test, Telling the Truth about Abuse

The judge ordered that stupid polygraph machine to be hooked up to me. Wires and pads were placed around many areas of my 14 year old body. I trembled in fear. I didn't mind telling the truth. I didn't have anything to hide. I wasn't afraid of failing that test. What I did fear though was what the results would do. It would make my mom and step dad even more furious at me. I don't think they ever stopped being angry.

    

Questions flew at me about being sexually abused. The administrator of the test asked the same questions over and over again but each time it was worded differently. I was't blind, deaf or dumb to the trickery. I had a story to tell and the story didn't change throughout any of the interrogation,( I mean investigation).

  

I failed it. Right at the end. I failed that test. I messed the entire thing up with one simple question, " Is that all that happened to you?". My heart raced and pierced my chest. I held my breath and huffed,  "YES."  They removed the wires from my body. My social worker, who was watching everything from the other side of the two way mirror that hung in the room, let me know I did well. But, I indeed I failed the last question.

   

I could only tell part of the story. I could not deal with the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Heck, 37 years past that day and I still have more stories to tell. Bits and pieces seep through my memory and stays like an unwanted guest. I am not sure when the pages of my story will finally come to an end. But I am ready for it to.

  

I will share the pages of my life with snippets of this chapter and that chapter.  Words on the pages often run together. Maybe I look at them too long. Sometimes it smears from salty water droplets that fall from my eyes. I can't seem to close the book all the way either. I guess there is more to read. More to Write. More to share.

If I get hooked up to one of those machines today. I probably will fail the last question again. But then again, it depends on who ordered the test.

We all have a story to share. And when we are ready, we can share it. If not, we can keep that story under lock and key of the heart. Only when ready will I answer the last question or any other. Polygraph. The truth lies within each of us. The ugly truth of abuse... within ourselves waits to escape, honestly.

John 8:32 NIV  Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

When I Call You Mine

MINE

Parents looked into their new baby's eyes for the very first time, smelled the skin of  the tiny newborn, counted each finger and toe and knew for the first time..."This is mine"

"It's up to me  to protect you, to make you feel secure, to feed you, to hold you when you cry." The baby doesn't know yet that he trusts you, depends on you but most of all he loves you. Their instinct tells them, " they are mine" And that bond grows through the years, even through difficult days, skinned knees, first loves, and first break ups.

 Parents learn to depend on their child too for reassurance that just maybe they did something right. Children  need to hear praise,too, for the task they attempted and succeeded in. They have so much in common, the ones we call " Mine"

Then comes a day when that all grown up child finds some one else to call "Mine'. But now its more like ..."Mine..all Mine'.  One day they will decide to take what was "theirs" to have and to hold from this day forward. He will protect her with shelter and she will make sure he is fed. They can not imagine a love greater than this. Until they, too have the awesome pleasure of looking into the eyes of the infant they will call "Mine ". And the cycle will begin again. Blessed. Loved. Treasured and "Mine" 

May God bless you with the love...that once was "MINE" and share it with each other. I freely give it to you. I love you grown up child of mine.

I wrote that about 5 years ago for my daughter's wedding. Today I read it as a letter from God. Let's take a minute to paraphrase it as if God wrote it to you.

" My child, as I look into your eyes, count each finger and toe and smell the sweetness of your tender skin, I know you are Mine.
I will protect you, secure you and feed you. I will always be there for you when you smile and when you cry. You don't know it yet but as you grow you will find you can trust in me always.You can depend on this promise. You are mine and You can call me your Yours. We will bond and grow through all of your years even in the difficult days that will break your heart. Those days break mine too.

I know I can  depend on you for I already know that you will help me grow my kingdom. I will reassure you that this is pleasing to Me. I will reward you and accept you. You will grow in your relationship with me.  As you love to hear praises, so do I. We have this in common, little ones I call mine.

When I send the Groom to come and get you, you will find no greater love, My bride. You will be with me from that day forward. I will shelter you the My mansion I have prepared for you. You can not fathom such a Love. We will one day have the joy of looking into each others eyes. We will call each other Mine. Blessed and loved.

Until then I bless you with My unconditional love. Share it with each other. Its free for you to  keep and free to give away. I love you growing child of Mine.

Forever each others,
Your Father
God.                          

The Spirit and the Bride
 http://youtu.be/WKYdG6Ge30g

                                         

Bubbly, Bubbly, Bubbly.. Bubbling Over.

Mark 8:38 NIV If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when He comes in His Father's glory with the holy angels.

 The pastor turned to his congregation and picked out a young girl,    "You are so bubbly. You were bubbling in the hall and you are still bubbling here. Bubbly Bubbly Bubbly. You just bubble over with the Holy Spirit. Just keep letting Him flow all over the place. Keep on bubbling. Bubbling, bubbling, bubbling." 



After visiting the service I went out to lunch with my friend. M.J. and I shared of where to Lord was leading us in our lives. I could just reach over an grab everyone of her words and tuck them in my heart. Bible studies. Witnessing. Counseling. Writing. Sharing. Ministries. Obeying. She was calm and excited all in one masterpiece of God. The more she talked the more I could feel the Holy Spirit bubbling all over the place.

There I was sitting across the table of grilled chicken and salads, sweet tea and yeast rolls and there, shown through her, were His "Bubbles" bubbling all over the place.  And there I was feeling like a container of bubbles with my lid being held on so tight, restricted, about to explode in anticipation of releasing those Holy Spirit bubbles. But I kept silent. Muted. 

Like those bubbles, it often takes the willingness of the hands of His people to reach in grab the wand and with intention make bubbles form. The solution is still the solution but the beauty is evident when shared and made known to others.

Are you intentionally sharing the Holy Spirit that is inside of you? Or perhaps have you noticed that you have been keeping the Holy Spirit pridefully and shamefully hidden?

If you have been as I have been, can we pray together today?

Dear Lord, You have said if I am ashamed of You then You will be ashamed of me. The last thing I would ever want is to be shameful in Your sight. Help me to put away my pride and let my outward actions show my inward feelings of You. Let me burst forth and bubble over showing my faith and trust in You. Help me Lord,  to be bubbly with the overflowing of You. Thank you , that we can share in the beauty of Your Holy Spirit openly and that one day, You too will show us to Your Father...with Joy.
May we continue to freely "bubble bubble bubble" with You.

(I found this cute little song.... I hope it brings you to bubble over with Joy too)

Child On Child Sexual Abuse. Who, What and Where....

 

What do you do when you are faced with child on child sexual abuse ? The article below was copied from Wikipedia. Praying over the parents and children who may need to know.

 If  you have reason to believe you child may be involved in any abuse situations please contact the proper authorities.

For investigation resources contact your local law enforcement offices or your local abuse prevention organizations. 

Polk County Offices:
Police departments:
Columbus 828-894-5464
Tryon  828- 859-9195
Saluda 828-749-9292 

Polk County Sheriff's dept. 828-894-3001, 

Steps To Hope 828-894-2340 
Polk County Department of Social Services, 828-894-2100

The following information is from Wikipedia about Child sexual abuse performed by another child.

Child-on-child sexual abuse

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    

Child-on-child sexual abuse is a form of child sexual abuse in which a prepubescent child is sexually abused by one or more other children or adolescent youths, and in which no adult is directly involved. The term has been defined as sexual activity between children that occurs "without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion". This includes when one of the children uses physical force, threats, trickery or emotional manipulation to elicit cooperation. Child-on-child sexual abuse is further differentiated from normative sexual play or anatomical curiosity and exploration (i.e. "playing doctor") because child-on-child sexual abuse is an overt and deliberate action directed at sexual stimulation, including orgasm. In many instances, the initiator exploits the other child's naïveté, and the victim is unaware of the nature of what is happening to them. When sexual abuse is perpetrated by one sibling upon another, it is known as "intersibling abuse.

Etiology and causes

In the etiology of child-on-child sexual abuse, young children who have not matured sexually are incapable of knowing about specific sex acts without an external source. Consequently, children who initiate or solicit overtly sexual acts with other children most often have been sexually victimized by an adult beforehand, or by another child who was in turn abused by an adult. More than half have been victimized by two or more perpetrators. In some instances, the perpetrating child was exposed to pornography or repeatedly witnessed sexual activity of adults at a very young age, and this can also be considered a form of child sexual abuse.

Prevalence

The incidence of child-on-child sexual abuse is not known with any certainty, similar to abuse by adults. It frequently goes unreported because it is not widely known of in the public,and often occurs outside of adults' supervision. Even if known by adults, it is sometimes dismissed as harmless by those who do not understand the implications. In particular, intersibling abuse is under-reported relative to the reporting rates for parent-child sexual abuse, and disclosure of the incest by the victim during childhood is rare.

Effects

Children who were sexually victimized by other minors including inter-sibling abuse, show largely the same problems as children victimized by adults, including anxiety disorders, depression, substance abuse, suicide, eating disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, sleep disorders and difficulty trusting peers in the context of relationships. The victim often has distorted beliefs about what happened to them, sometimes even thinking they were the initiator or that they went through the act voluntarily.
Major factors that affect the severity of symptoms include the use of force or coercion, the frequency of the abuse, and the invasiveness of the act. An increased risk of victimization later in life has also been reported.
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Dear Lord, As I read over this I recall the times where I was a victim of this exact abuse. I hate the memory of it.  It brings to surface  knowledge of unhealthy bonding. I become angry thinking of the children who get caught up in Satan's trap. Lord, please heal the innocent. I pray for a hedge of protection as we learn to watch for abuse activities. And Heavenly Father, I pray that the effects from such abuse  to be removed from the victim so that they can live a healthy life in the present and the future. I ask for curses to be broken so that this does not continue from generation to generation. Only through You, Lord, is healing possible. I praise you for it. Thank You, God, for carrying us though the trials each step at a time. I stand in awe of such an AWEsome Father.
Its through the name of Jesus I pray, Amen

Sentence Reduced. He Took Back the Power

"Statutory Rape"  was written on the records from Tidewater Rape Information Services (T.R.I.S.) and it corrupted the abused children's reputation. " A juvenile matter" was written on the court summons. It lowered the severity of the case. The accusation was now reduced and the focus placed guilt on the victims and minimized the sentence of the man who molested. Justice wasn't served and instead of jail time or imprisonment, my abuser "walked" and I was the one sent away feeling misunderstood and trashy... taken out like discarded waste. Power was given back over to the abuser. My little brother and I were just another trophy owned by a sick a man who mutilated little bodies and the self esteem of an extreme amount of many ( many many many!) defenseless children.



That was 35 years ago and I still get disgusted at the thought. Tears don't  always roll down my cheek, but I can feel the heat of anger color my face like embers of a stirred smoldering fire. I often pick up the phone to call my childhood social worker for affirmation that I was strong in those days. I talk to gain the power back from the man who still seems to steal it from me.  Even after words from her, I still can feel empty, which leads me to where I should have gone in the first place... to pray.

While I dwell on the abuser and his power that he removed from my life, I also know that I was never as weak as I thought I was. I did stand up for the children who should have never been hurt. And I do it now,  even stronger than ever. This once weak child has been given strength through God Himself and the Holy Spirit because of Jesus Christ. And I stand with determination in the face of the accuser, Satan, and strip him of forces through Jesus Christ.

Philippians 4:13 NIV: I can do all things through Him which gives me strength.

It's not My power. It is my Father's.

And I wouldn't be messing with my Father, God. His word clearly states that there will be punishment for wrong doings to His children. Matthew 18:6 "If anyone causes one of these little ones--those who believe in me--to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

God is our greatest vindicator, and He wants to make all our wrongs right!   He will take care of every injustice. All we need to do is keep our focus on Him and let Him go to work. He’ll not just settle our case; He’ll do more than we can ask or imagine!


God took back the power and handed it to us through the blood of His own Son, so that we have the strength to face all trials. Whether or not  we see  abusers "hang" or not  does not mean they will get leave the witness stand free. The blood and final verdict is in God's hands. Let God take the gavel. Take back the power by giving it to Him.

 Oh Dear God,
   I often have to be reminded that You, Father, have power to deal with this warfare so I don't have to. Help me to keep Your promises fresh in my mind so that I can keep healing through You. Lord, I pray for favor for those who put their trust in You and I praise you for the Power of Your love. Thank You for Your Son, Jesus, who took the stand for me so the judgement sentence has not only been reduced but removed. Guilt removed because You took back the power.
I pray these things through the precious name of Jesus,
Amen

 

I invite you to listen to the reassuring song of the

Power of Your Love, With Lyrics, By Hill Song



 

   
     

Tripping Over My Bottom Lip

Whether rejected by someone not sitting with you or maybe something such as being ignored, the pain of being avoided hurts. We can either look at it as what it is, which could be nothing of your own fault, or we can see it for what Satan wants us to see it as...as to being an attack to us personally. How do you handle it?

 

Me? I have a hard time with feeling inadequate. A simple gesture of someone moving over to another table when there was plenty of room at mine sent me quickly into a self centered low and a bit depressed. I had to sit and quickly pray. I literally prayed that God would set my mind back into focus and I had to remember that most people's issues are not my own. I refused to permanently grab hold of the down feelings of being rejected. And really, I wasn't rejected as I thought tonight. It just felt like that was happening. Satan wanted me to feel bad about myself and build anger.

The Holy Spirit listened to my prayer and comforted the ache that kicked me in my heart. “Think with your head not with your heart. Trust me with this.” God placed a God sized bandage on the little boo boo of unnecessary pride.

How often this happens to people when we put assumptions in front of fact and listen to Satan instead of God. When your heart breaks in times as this, who has control over fixing the cracks?

Heavenly Father, Thank you for showing me that I am not always seeing the full picture. Lord, thank you for showing me that what I see and what I feel isn't always what is happening. Keep my eyes open and my pride shut down. Thank You God for sending the Holy Spirit to ease the pains that every day life can throw at me. Please help me when I trip over my bottom lip that I  only fall straight into Your compassionate care.

In Jesus Name,
Amen

Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

SIGNS of Child Sexual Abuse ( Reposted per Request )

Reposting upon request.

SIGNS of Child Sexual Abuse

Child sexual abuse includes a wide range of sexual behaviors that take place between a child and a person older than them. These behaviors are meant to arouse the older person in a sexual way. There is usually no thought given given to what effect the behavior may have on the child. Sadly, the abuser does not care about the reactions or choices of the child.

Child sexual abuse often involves body contact such as sexual kissing, touching, and oral, anal, or vaginal sex. However, not all sexual abuse involves body contact. Showing private parts ("flashing"), forcing children to watch pornography, verbal pressure for sex, and exploiting children as prostitutes or for pornography can be sexual abuse as well.

What are signs that a child has been sexually abused? Are there clear signs? The following may be some things that could alert you to this abuse but are not limited to all. Even one of these listed could be enough to do further investigation.

* Separation anxiety. All children will have some form of separation anxiety, but pay closer attention to severe temper tantrums toward a particular person. This is especially true for a toddler who is not able to speak yet.

*Avoids or tries to avoid being with you significant other

* the child is not happy as they once were: cries often, depressed

* regressive behavior : bed-wetting or soiling clothes

*extremely emotional for no apparent reason

*fearful

*drop in grades, trouble in school

* Eating habits may change: unexpected weight gain or lose suddenly.

*complains of headaches, stomachaches or other pain but can find no medical reason for it

*Nightmares or fears of being alone in the dark

*Suddenly afraid to remove clothes at bath time or feels the need to go to bed fully clothed

*loses interested in hobbies or sports

*does not want to be hugged or kissed

*becomes rebellious and angry

*child becomes clingy and /or doesn't want you out of their sight

*shows inappropriate sexual behavior ( Does the child show certain sexual characteristics, language or actions that he or she shouldn't know? )

*Sudden lack of communication with you

*Stay to themselves more and see less of their friends

*unexplained accumulation of gifts or money

*self destructive behavior such as self mutilation , drug dependency, suicidal

*bruising or bleeding in the genital area

*bruising to breast buttocks, lower abdomen or thighs

It's important to recognize that sexual abuse doesn't always involve body contact. Exposing a child to sexual situations or material is sexually abusive, whether or not touching is involved.

It is frightening to know that sexual abuse usually occurs by someone the child knows and should be able to trust—most often close relatives.

Statistics show that one in every four girls and one in every six boys have been or will be sexually abused.

The earlier child abuse is caught, the better the chance of recovery and appropriate treatment for the child. Child abuse is not always obvious. By learning some of the common warning signs of child abuse and neglect, you can catch the problem as early as possible and get both the child and the abuser the help that they need.The earlier child abuse is caught, the better the chance of recovery and appropriate treatment for the child. Keep in mind that child abuse is not always obvious.

Heavenly Father,

I come to you with a heart felt cry that no parent or adult would have to research the previous information because of fear that their child may have been touched or exposed to any unacceptable behavior such as sexual child abuse. Praying for education, prevention and care for each child you created. I pray for parental and adult guidance with wisdom and discernment.

I am bringing to you the troubles I too have faced, knowing that You, Lord, will turn what Satan gave as evil back into good, I can give back in empathy in overcoming the pains through Your unconditional love. I am forever grateful for Your healing hand and compassion.

In Jesus Name, Amen

Abuse

The trauma of abuse is never fully gone from a person's consciousness. Its filthy stain leaves its residue on the soul forever. However, like all bad experiences, it is possible to turn this experience into good by developing compassion and empathy for others who have been through this experience. Many people feel that bringing meaning to a traumatic experience is a path to healing. When I turn a negative experience into a tool that brings meaning into my life and others, I am taking the best kind of revenge on my abuser.


Abuse By Family Friend Poems / CC BY 3.0

Social Media, Heaven or Hell Bound ?

I went to a child abuse chat on Twitter expecting to be an encourager as a survivor and was then lead to a private face book survivors group and found myself in social media hell. I don't mean to be disrespectful to the group but a bunch of people supporting negativity isn't my idea of being supportive at all. For me, it supported my nightmares and anger. Sadness poured and regrets boiled back inside of me. The people on that site refused to allow God to be near the pages. Satan had me drawn and it glued me there like a rat on a sticky glue trap waiting to die.

I was quickly condemned  for offering up prayers and hope. After listening to the groans of these damaged and angry victims,  I have to admit that I was questioning the validity of God being with me at times I needed Him most. I began to feel unwanted and worthless. Once again I felt disgusting. Oh, I was wanted there, at that sight. Satan wanted me there so I could begin to once again to see myself as low and filthy. His plan was succeeding and depression once again slathered me with worldly doubts This was never ever the intents of the founder of this page. But it certainly was the intent of Satan himself.

It began to sicken me to listen to all the negative people. They were reaching out but they wouldn't allow anything positive to grab hold to. They reached out to keep hold of oppression. I could not only see it but felt it. Conviction.

 The Holy Spirit took me by the hand and lead me in a different direction. I started my own private Facebook page for CHRISTIAN Survivors / Over comers of Child Sexual Abuse. There isn't much movement on that page, unlike the other where many  comments and cries scream out. This tells me something. When you rely on the Lord, Jesus Christ to comfort you, it is a secure bonding that doesn't fade quickly but instead rest sweetly in your heart and brings comfort rather that corruption.

I feel just as strongly against the abuses as I ever had. My convictions haven't changed. I hurt for the abused children. I wish innocence was never stolen and insecurities could be erased and mended. I believe that pedophiles still need punished, But that is God's job not mine. My job is to go to God, through His son, Jesus, to ask for strength to forgive. It's my privilege and most precious gift as a Christian to have the Holy Spirit to comfort me when I hurt in the memory.

I could have stayed amongst the low hopelessness of non believers who shut out hope. I could have vented by stomping my feet and gnashing my teeth. Do you think that would have gotten me any further on my journey of healing? 

By offering the hope of healing through the Love of Jesus, I fed others while the Holy Spirit filled me. How kind and compassionate is Papa God who takes His children into His loving arms and becomes a shelter, a refuge and a safe haven in a world full of self willed man made insecurity.

 We all have a choice to make. Live in Love or die in self ? Which would you rather share today?

Proverbs 24:14 NIV Know also that wisdom is like honey for you:
If you find it, there is a future hope for you,
and your hope will not be cut off.

 

No Blame No Shame ( REPOSTED )

No Blame No Shame

      Just needing to  share.....

No Blame, No Shame

As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we often grow up blaming ourselves for the abuse that happened. As children, we are bought up to know that "adults know best" - and so when someone tells you often enough that it's your fault, eventually you believe it. I was to blame.

I believed that the reason I was hurt so badly by people I cared about was simply because that’s what I deserved. I deserved it because of who I was as a person. I was bad. It wasn't so much what I did that made me "bad" - but more just something that I was....something that was in me in spite of how well I tried to behave or how good I tried to be. Nothing I did to be "better" made anything better or made people treat me better - and so, understandably, I concluded that I was treated badly simply because of who and what I was. If you have felt this, please know that it was an affect of the abuse you experienced, not a statement of truth.

As I grew into an adult, I kept believing that the abuse was my fault. I did something to deserve it. Accepting that we do not have control over everything in our lives and everything that happens to us is a necessary part of healing.

I tried to seek many ways in which I could blame myself..

It was my fault because if I'd been a better maybe “so and so" would have loved me more and not hurt me.

A parent(s) should love and care for you regardless of how you behave or what you do. Their love for you should be unconditional. No matter what you did wrong, or what you think you did wrong, you did not deserve to be abused.
Abuse from a parent does not happen because of some failure or inadequacy on the child's part. It happens because of some failing within the parent.

It's my fault because I didn't tell anyone.

All children who do not tell about their abuse have very good reasons for keeping silent. For example:
Your abuser may have threatened you.
You may have been scared that no one would believe you.
You didn't know how to tell or what words to use.
You were frightened that you may be punished.
You were very confused about what was happening.
You didn't know what was happening was abuse.
……and many many more reasons.

Looking back as an adult at the reasons you had for not telling, you may think these reasons as not good enough. Adult survivors of child sexual abuse may say to themselves, "I was so stupid to believe that threat". But try to understand that the way you see things now is going to be completely different to how you saw things as a frightened abused child. The fears you had about telling would have been very very real back then, and you shouldn't dismiss what a powerful silencer fear and uncertainty can be.

It’s my fault because I let the abuse go on for so long.

You didn't "let" the abuser keep abusing. You were overwhelmed and powerless to stop the abuser.

It's my fault because I liked it happening because it felt good.

Regardless of how it felt to you, what happened was still abuse.

When children are touched sexually, conditioned responses are automatic and natural to the body and they happen whether you want them to or not.

It's my fault because I wanted that special time.

It may have been that this was the only time that you felt wanted, needed or special. Abusers can be very good at making children feel like the abuse happens because they love you so much.
Regardless, the abuse was still 100% wrong. The abuser abused his knowledge of your emotional needs and wants, and used that to get what he wanted.

It's my fault because my abuser said it was my fault.

Most abusers are very fearful of what will happen they are made public. They may fear what their families and friends will say to them; they may fear prison,of losing their jobs. And so, they are going to try to make sure that the child doesn't say anything to anyone. ONE way of doing this is to tell the child that it's their fault that the abuse is happening. Telling the child it is their fault, is a way for the abuser to control the situation by making the child afraid that they will be blamed and get into trouble if they report it to anybody.

It's my fault because I didn't fight hard enough.

Children do not have the physical strength or theability to think adults. Often there will be threats hanging over the child's head if they don't do as they are told - and so they may feel totally unable to fight on any level.

Children do what they can to survive an attack and submission is not desire, it is survival.

It's my fault because I didn't say NO!

Many child survivors feel that they are partly to blame for the abuse because they didn't say "NO!” There are many reasons why you might not have said no:

You were confused.
You didn't know you were allowed to say no.
You didn't want to say no.
You were too frightened to say no.

Children cannot consent to a sexual relationship because they are below the age of consent. It is not the responsibility of a child to say "no" to sex.

It's my fault because I thought I wanted it or said I wanted it.

All children, especially as they reach their teenage years, start thinking about their sexuality and become interested in exploring sex. This is perfectly normal, and even necessary for healthy sexual and social development. Children and teens who are reaching this age may become attracted to people who are older than them, and may even desire or seek to engage in intimate relationship with them.

A responsible adult understands that children who are under the age of legal consent are not mentally, psychologically or physically ready for sexua linteraction, and therefore they should not engage with a teen in this way. Therefore, even if you initiated, wanted or "consented" to sexual contact with an older person it was still abuse and it was not your fault.

It must be my fault because I was abused by different people.

Some children are abused by more than one person in different times of abuse. If you have been the victim of multiple abuses you may feel that you must be to blame because you keep getting chosen to be abused – and in fact some survivors talk about feeling they have a label on their head saying "hurt me".

Child abusers may target children who are more vulnerable. Child survivors may find it difficult to tell the difference between good touch and bad touches.

It's my fault that I didn't protect my siblings.

Some children feel guilty that they weren't able to protect their brothers / sisters from the abuse – and believe they are partly to blame for this abuse. You cannot be held responsible for anything your abuser did to you or to anyone else. Your abuser is the only one that can take responsibility for what they've done.

It is important to learn that the abuser had control and is to blame...not you. You were a child and should have been treated and respected as one.

 I am praying for education before this healing needs to occur.

 Please Lord, let the abused child in each of us, keep the knowledge that we are innocent. Thank You Heavenly Father, for never letting us be alone. I praise you for the healing and for seeing us through your eyes.

 Mark 5:34 He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." (NIV)

Are you a victim of child abuse? Is your past haunting you with blame? Give it to God. Ask Him to let you see what He sees in you. I am praying that you too can begin to see the real you.

 

Nightmares Came with Hidden Abuse

I woke up covered in sweat. My body trembled as I held my breath. I threw the blankets from across me because of the heat that engulfed my body and out of exposure grabbed the end of the blanket and brought it quickly up to my chin securing me again. The nightmare consumed me. I couldn't get to my girls through the locked door. I banged and banged on his bedroom door but that violator, that one who stripped me from my innocence, had my own children in there. "GET THEM OUT ! GET THEM OUT!" with blood dripping from my hands I hit the locked door, "No! No ! NO !!!"  I screamed as I woke up from such a horrific helpless nightmare. I looked at my hands, nothing. No brokenness. No blood.. It was only a dream. A horrible, terrible, heart retching nightmare. My children weren't being devoured as I  had been. They were safe.

I remember that night, feeling completely helpless. Oh how I want to erase those thoughts from
coming to my head. I want to erase those haunting memories of abuses from my childhood.

I have read stories and heard confessions from women who said they aren't sure if they were molested or violated, but remember dreams of things happening to  their fragile little bodies. Others have vague memories and yet others wonder if the things that happened to them counted as abuses.

Information that may help you decide if you were sexually abused as a child:

Signs of knowing if a person was a victim of child sexual abuse.

When you were a young child or teenager, were you:

* Fondled, kissed, or held for an adults sexual gratification?
* Forced to perform oral sex on an adult or sibling?
*Raped or otherwise penetrated?
*Made to watch sexual acts?
*Fondled or hurt genitally?
*Shown sexual movies or other pornography?
* Made to pose for seductive or sexual photographs?
*Involved in child prostitution or pornography?
*Forced to take a part in ritualized abuse in which you were physically, psychologically or sexually tortured

Wikipedia describes child sexual abuse as : Child sexual abuse or child molestation is a form of child abuse in which an adult or older adolescent uses a child for sexual stimulation. Forms of child sexual abuse include asking or pressuring a child to engage in sexual activities (regardless of the outcome), indecent exposure (of the genitals, female nipples, etc.) to a child with intent to gratify their own sexual desires, or to intimidate or groom the child, physical sexual contact with a child, or using a child to produce child pornography.

One woman claimed that it wasn't abuse because it was just incest, an older brother.  Another said, it
wasn't abuse because my uncle only did it once. I listened to a young woman tell how it felt good to be in a movie, and it couldn't be considered abuse if it felt good.  Just because your body reacts to stimulation, like all bodies should, it does not make the it less of a crime to be in that situation.

Remember that even if a man did not force "himself" into an opening of your body inappropriate behaviour and touching is still abuse. It may not leave physical pain it can still constitutes abuse that leaves invisible scars.

One invisible scar is the nightmares they leave behind, which could come in the form of day dreams, flash backs or nightmares.

Your nightmares may be your mind's way of dealing with a trauma that your conscious mind may have repressed.

  One woman explained, "I think the nightmares were a sign that I was actually starting to feel safe enough to allow my mind to explore those issues. Like it was my body's way of taking out the trash."  Acknowledging your current safety may be one key to moving away from the fear of the nightmares.

I dream ( for lack of better words) of the day that the trash of my memories  are able to be discarded to never be brought up again. Only, I know it doesn't work that way. I do remember. I get emotional sometimes, feeling somber. More and more, though, I feel the relief of overcoming those frightening moments. Honestly, I don't have that reoccurring torturous nightmare anymore. Bringing the truth out in the open released me from oppression. Satan isn't able to hold me with force being trapped in the negative mindset of it all.

Having nightmares brought me to even more truth, revealing what has happened in my life that I deeply hid. Having fear come to surface made me depend on God for security. It caused me to come face to face with unwanted  those fears, with a need of God to keep me safe. I learned to place trust in Him.


"The emotions we don’t want to face are inside of us, whether we deny it or not. They don’t scare God. The only problem is that they often scare  us. He wants you to have the courage to get really honest with yourself and with Him and face your fears and your past disappointments, frustration, anger, inner pain, and so on. He is not shocked. He knows it already and He still loves and accepts you. Rather than force Himself on you against your will, He honors you by restraining His longing to deliver you and tenderly waiting for you to trust Him enough to invite him into the dark corners of your life and let Him touch that ever so tender part of you with His healing hands." (Grantley Morris, How to cope with Nightmares and unwanted Dreams)

If you have had dreams, nightmares, flashbacks or visions of questioning abuses, please pay attention to the signals your "gut " is giving you. Brushing them off and sweeping them under the rug doesn't make truth disappear. It  may only bring festering to the deep hidden pain. Healing begins when you are honest with yourself and place trust where it needs to be.

 Ask the Lord to share with you those things which He feels need to come forward for your healing. At the same time, trust that He will take all the unnecessary things and nail them to the cross. Let Him help you through the hurting.

Lord Jesus, You are God alone of my life. Through the days of my life I have come to lean on you during good times and bad. Lord Jesus, I pray You would continue to bring healing and reconciliation in my life from the sexual abuse which took place. I pray that You would bring healing in my life from the past intense memories . Lord, I thank You for giving me the strength and freedom to no longer be held captive, but because of Your great love for Me that I am be able to have healing in this area of my life. Lord, bring support and encouragement into my life as I walk in this new season. Thank you for bringing me into a place of intimacy and dependence on You. I pray that men, women, and children, who have been abused, begin to heal from the traumatic abuses that they have endured, relying on you for revelation and knowledge. Remove the pain of nightmares and replace them with  comforting victory. Help us God. ( I need You still ) In Jesus Name, Amen

 

Drowning in His Grace

The sandy beach was inviting but so was the cool water and the breaking of the waves on the hot summer day. We could play with sand castles and fiddler crabs, lay basking under the rays of the hot sun burning our tanned bodies, or float out to the rocking of the rolling water. My brother and I chose to hang onto the inflatable raft and relax in the ocean. In and out the waves came and played racing games with us.

We closed our  eyes too long so that when we opened them again the shoreline had disappeared from our sight. Panic kicked and we began to kick frantically. Unaware that rescue was on its way, fear filled us. Panic and desperation came with a tremendous amount of anxiety. The undertow fought against us, first unknowingly and then with realization. We were warned to not go out too far. Neither of us saw the danger until it was too late. The life guard
came to us before we ever saw the beach and we just knew trouble was waiting ahead of us. Mom and dad would soon display their anger and we would be beached for sure.

Isn't sin like that? It creeps up on us. First we aren't aware that Satan is teasing us with temptation. Then we creep slowly to get a feel of what looks inviting. Sometimes, even when we are aware of giving in, we don't see how far the “undertow” or pull is until we are in danger. Satan may wake you up and laugh in your face while you are drowning in that whirlpool of sin. He claims victory as you go further and further under.

Prayerfully, through salvation, having Jesus as your life saver, and the Holy Spirit as your lifeguard, God will bring you back to the shore. When God leads you out of rough waters, He isn't waiting at the edge of the water, hands on His hip, foot tapping and eyes
glaring at you to display anger. He is  there to give you a helping hand,open arms, a caring heart and a life of rescue and renewal.

2 Samuel 22:17
He reached down from on high and took hold of me: He drew me out of deep waters.

We can “swim” and fight in our own strength finding no rescue in our own power or we can choose to reach out and take grab the nailed scarred hand of the life Savior. God is always on lifeguard duty. He never changes shifts and keeps His watch.

Psalm 121:7-8

The Lord will keep you from all harm—He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Heavenly Father, Thank You for helping me out of troubles. Help me to be aware of your direction and strength. When I feel the weight of the worlds undertow, please bring me back to You. And Lord, when I feel as if I am going under, let me drown in your grace.

 







Lead to the Moments

 Overcoming abuse is hard enough. But when a parent or parents take the value from a child with words such as "You know you wanted it." " It's your fault." and even "Lie about it, He is our friend" (Speaking from my own childhood here), it echoes way into adulthood. These words can not be erased. It embeds the child. It is uneraseable, irreversible and seems permanently destructive. I still don't get it. I still do not understand how a parent can do that to a child. I am reminded that hurting people hurt people. I hear this often. It does not excuse such terrible acts but it is a genuine excuse.

 Somewhere along the parent lives what they learn to protect themselves. Whether it is for reputation or fear, it happens. Reactions to the acts of sexual abuse aren't something most parents are prepared to face. I encourage everyone to be voice before it has to be spoken as a child who yells out in his sleep or whisper with tears.

Recently I have had to defend myself as to why I am speaking up. Why do I present the ministry with such horrific examples and how I should  just "Let it go." I had to study myself and my use of the abuse examples. I am not lead away from these moments and situations but are lead to them.

Things don't just go away for me. They are not current but they have effected my everyday life decisions. I am actually glad that I went through these things. No, not glad that there were sexual abuses, but satisfied in knowing that through years of trials, years of depression, years and years of self doubt actually it brought me closer to God.

I could not survive through the torment that Satan put me through without the strength of God.  Knowing or unknowing, I would not have gained what I have, without the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I have learned that there is JOY again when I returned to Him.

Last night I heard my pastor speak about people lose heart because of not living in faith.( Been there, done that, but God wrote the book), Pastor spoke of people who lose heart and will lose the fullness of God. "A person who loses faith takes his eyes off God and gets disheartened. They don't understand God's love and they forget that God loves them."

I so greatly understand what it feels like to wonder if God had stopped loving me through all the abuses. I couldn't feel love. No matter how many times God shared His examples of "TLC", I couldn't see nor feel it. I didn't recognize it as His tenderness, His caring and certainly not His LOVE.

We, as "advocates", need to share with others what that Love is. I am not ashamed to tell my story because I have made it HIS story. My history isn't being placed on my billboard to shout out what I did but what HE DID.  When other's can't find or feel God's Love maybe it is because they don't quite know what it is. We   should make it  our responsibility to share God's love and to give hope. Let us all be "hope coaches" for our Heavenly Father.

Abba Father does not come to you with words of destruction. He speaks so clearly of the love He has for you. Yes, for you and for me!

"He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our résumé but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked.


What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us. Dieter F. Uchtdorf

 God's word and His love is uneraseable, irreversible and becomes permanently constructive ...but only if it is shared and learned when carefully placed into the lives of ourselves and others.

 Abused or just enveloped with worldly misfortunes and circumstance, we face trials. We need to know that through the suffering there is strength through the Holy Spirit and the love of God.

 I invite you to read Ephesians 3: 13- 19, as a prayer for you.


Ephesians 3:13-19

New King James Version (NKJV)

¹³ Therefore I ask that you do not lose heart at my tribulations for you, which is your glory.¹⁴ For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,^{[a] 15} from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, ¹⁶ that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, ^{17 18} may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— ¹⁹ to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
 

 When the world speaks to you with defeat,

take a moment to listen

to the Voice of Truth.